Tag: Family

The only thing that matters…

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

Well, as you get ready for your weekend during these times, what better way can there be, to urge you to spend you weekend in knowing and discovering that, there are really only a very few things that will matter or that ever matter and it’s always wise and sane to know them and stay anchored along them! Join me here to know what this is all about and why these are really the only things that matter!

Our lives are always filled up completely to the the brim! Irrespective whether that filled cup makes sense to us or not, that’s what we get to handle each day of our lives, that filled cup is at times you work, at times its your family and some other times its your network/ friends/colleagues or all those areas that you tend to stay invested! Well there can be nothing right or wrong about that, each one of us is free to choose what matters and how much priority one gives to which area of ones’ life! The real trick though, is being able to understand and appreciate the depth and quality of the things that you consider to be a priority for yourself and re-check if thats really what you want the cup of your life to be filled up with completely all the time!

Well you may be working for yourself or for someone else, many a times, this space contributes the major part as far as keeping our cup filled up goes, the question here, is what are you really doing? Are you really sure that you want, your work area to dominate and take up so much of volume in the cup that you hold? Is it really worth it? Look around you what are you coming across (not necessarily now, things have been the same way for a long time, only now they are becoming more and more evident!), pay cuts, job losses, realignments, new loyalties, shut downs, all this even as you had your cup filled up and put in your efforts at an individual level and did what was right throughout- no questions asked, yet when the time arrives, you are the first one to face the shock? Why do you think this develops? If this is an area that is so important for your cup? How can it become redundant so sharply and quickly? What have you missed? Hold on your thoughts here and read on as you will be able to decipher the same we we move ahead!

Let’s explore the other aspect which goes on to complete your cup, your network, in few cases this part often takes up more space than the work part, yet few other times, there is a heady cocktail between this space and the work space- at times because of the nature of the work, some other times as an occupational hazard- which if not managed can evaporate both the elements of the work and network form your cup rapidly even before you realise! But wait, how does this network really help you, I mean if say there’s no work, does this come to your rescue- as in not helping you get back the work that has gone missing- but as in being there for you! How many of your networks can stand by you like a mountain- not helping you with the money or the next break- but by just being there? Well if you haven’t got any of these type of mountainous network elements standing by you, then sadly enough, you have just added additional baggage to your cup which occupies space- adds to your wright and actually does nothing to enhance the favour of your cup! So that’s so much about your network element within the cup and yes, you can sure enough weigh and read through other elements like friends and acquaintances through the same lens,the people who say they are there and then disappear as if they never existed! Now let’s move to the final elements of your cup!

The family area which takes up again the decent volume of your cup! Well, now depending on the originality of the contents and how they play out with regards to the flavors and intensity, either you will get a cup with an additional dose of vanilla or have a cocktail of tastes- leaving your mind tipsy and brains fried all the time! Well, since it’s about the part of the family, you too are equally responsible to what you end up getting in the context of tastes that come back to you! If you have been able to provide the right conditions, temperature and ambiance, the flavors will always resonate that and if you haven’t; well might as well prepare for what you have done- whether intentionally or unintentionally! Needless to say this element overrides all other elements in your cup and has the potential to unleash havoc or create great balance depending on its own intrinsic character! But did you notice, even as your cup is so filled up and has all elements that you ever can ask for or think about- you know what’s missing here? Its You!

You may argue, that all other elements in the cup are but an extension of who you are, certainly they are, but they are your extensions- you- perceived by the others and not the real you! This is where people struggle the most and tend to get waylaid easily as they rush through their busy lives holding to their cup of life- not realizing that what they hold and are managing is what the world exactly wants them to be- not necessarily who they really are or want to be! This fundamentally folly is what makes many of the lives around us a struggle- simply because we are living lives- not of what we should be because of who we really are but rather because of who we are perceived to be, by others whom we have ended up collecting around us either by intention or by accident! So is there any way around this or further to this, can anything be done and if yes, whats it?

The only way to go around this and the only wise way, is to ensure that “you” end up filling as much as volume you can in the cup that you hold and let this volume be filled up with “who you really are” and no matter what comes your way- ensure that you don’t loose that element- because once you have anchored yourself to who you are- You will then automatically gravitate and end up attracting other elements of family and network circles based on who you really are and not end up becoming “who others want you to be” (which is possible only when you end up adding others to your cup before you could add yourself)!

You see, once you have developed a refined sense of understanding who you are, what ticks you and what ticks you off, you will be in a better position to connect to spaces, people, things and pursuits in line with what is helping and growing you- intrinsically rather than monetarily. Monetary growth no doubt, is important, but when done and pursued in divergence of all your founding elements of your life- family, network, work and yourself often will end up draining you in the long run and over time instead of making you stronger will end up making you weak and susceptible to the ravages of time and other powerful competition that you face which possibly are growing on virtue of their own internal core alignment!

What really matters is how well you have been able to craft the idea of who you are and how well do you want to execute that idea into the world with allies who are around you as network circles and families because of who you are! Once you have achieved this zen like space, trust me nothing at all will bother you- neither the ups and downs of your business neither the layoffs or the firing of the jobs that you are engaged with, because once you have connected within and know you worth well enough- these out worldly aberrations will not be ever strong enough to slow you down or knock you over!The only thing that matters is, how well you are connected with yourself and that one singular reality is what will help and empower the right things, people and contexts gravitate towards you!

I will leave you here, urging you to grab that cup and reflect on one simple point- How well are you connected within and how much of “you” is present in the cup of life that you hold so dearly close to you at all times!

Ciao for now, will be back soon with another article! Until then stay safe and stay wise!

Connected gadgets and disconnected people.

~ PA ~ 2 Comments

As the world starts to pull up itself from the shadows of an ongoing pandemic and tries to grapple with the severe economic melt down which has come along with it (no the virus didn’t cause the economic meltdown; how we dealt with it, caused it!). As humanity we are flirting dangerously with a strange alteration in human behavior for the first time in over hundred years- this new changed behaviour- of being connected with the world through gadgets and not people! This article tries to explore the aspects evolving around it and what perhaps may eventually manifest from this new trait! So let’s explore and get our grey matter working!

Even before the pandemic broke loose, we have been living in an era where we have had technology uncomfortably in-your-face kind of scenarios and with the latest slew of people tracking applications required- few optional and few mandatory, our connection with the digital- virtual world has got far more creepier than you think!As individuals more and more of us wait for an opportunity to get online- whether it is to check the weather, the status of the pandemic, the latest update on the neighborhood or just to know if people still like you over your social media handles! The reasons can be many, few valid and few as dumb as they can be! Any aspect of technology and online driven compulsiveness may be essential for one individual and the same can be an absolute disaster for another, it all depends on- who these individuals are! Say if you are a successful artist and want to stay connected with your follower base through some short videos or pics, it certainly works and perhaps works pretty well to uplift morale of your followers- if you carry that kind of an infectious and inspiring persona, but what about if you are that odd one who has been struggling and these times have made your struggle that bit more spicier! Well, for an individual who is already at logger heads with time and space an overwhelming experience over the virtual world can be really dangerous and make a person withdraw or become over-expressive in ways which may not help, especially during these times, when the vital people connect is, all but missing!

Add to this the latest fallout of the lockdowns the world over- organisations and business have been quick to announce policies and measures asking people to work form home! Now what this has ended up doing in majority of the cases, is create an even more challenging work space for individuals! (unless you own a 5 room apartments- where perhaps two rooms can be occupied by the working members of the house, one by the kids and one by the pet that you have, not to forget even the kitchen is held hostage either by your maid or your in-laws or parents as the case may be!) You see, as long as people went to their offices to create value or destroy the existing value at their work place- all that got played out away from the watchful eyes and ears of your spouses, parents, in-laws, kids and pets. Now that people are working form home, or anywhere that they are (but not at workplace) people around – family and friends- get a first row seat to individual personalities and complexities like never before! All that verbal abuse, emotional tantrums, abrupt meetings, calls being cut, truncated, work that never seems to end, a lunch break that never seems to happen and a weird situation which just stays to hang on- like forever! Earlier even if you had a bad day at work- people would dissipate much of that negative energy by the time they finished their commute and reached their residences- now when all that negativity has lad home in your residence- needless to say there will be unwanted reactions and behavioral patterns erupting with closed confines of your home as well! Add to this that extra element of not being able to talk to reach out to your colleague at office for guidance and counsel- like it used to normally happen- a short break- a cup of tea or coffee on the way back or that 45 min quick beer to plan for the next day to counter what would have unfolded this day- you just end up getting stuck and consumed with your work- with no real cut off in the real sense of it!

Sure enough, office video calls, con-calls, emails and all of them work and work pretty well, but think about it, these tools have been there for such a long time- if these were indeed really that effective- why do you think any major corporations or a business house would have spent millions and millions of dollars to create reputed and state of the art workplaces? There would be some reason right? Well think around that bit when you have time! The fact is remains that, humans always knew the relevance and importance of having place of work and place of residence as two separate locations and it was perhaps a wiser thing to do- ask any innovator or a scientist- they will tell you, many a great things and moments in their lives which proved to be a breakthrough movement either happened at their designated workplace, designated home, or during commute , but never while doing WFH (work from home!) – it never really works!

Importantly if you thought only working professionals are facing challenges, think about it, even kids who are studying at school or colleges are facing and even more crueler scenario! The most badly hit, if you ask me are the school going kids, the youngest of them under 10 years- they have been disconnected from other kids at a vital time of their life when they are supposed to forge, foster and develop the social skills that are an essence of being a human and vital for social engagements and development of the society as these kids become grown ups in the next two decades! But if they have a weak foundation for social engagement set up right now, the ramifications in the long term will never be the ones’ that we desire! You may ask me, but this is just for a year or a few months, how can it impact? well think about it, experts have said, it takes about 21 days for a habit to cultivate and about 10,000 hours to master something that you wish to excel at! So either ways choose your metric and if your kids have been exposed to any of these, rest assured the new emerging behavior of your kids will be not what they had earlier charted the course for! They will unwittingly end up embracing the death hug of technology over the vital compassionate hug of humanity which comes only by being connected with people! We may end up cultivating societal failures and in the next two decades form now , many failures of social engineering/engagement will get attributed to this generation which did not build the vital foundation of social engagement with fellow humans- intentionally or unintentionally! So is there something that we can do about it? Well the answer is yes and no! Yes we can, that’s what makes us, humans special, and No- if the capitalist greed of the top 1% of the world doesn’t stop doing from what it is currently doing; Globally societies will end up driving their young generations into a space where they may just end up being the human extension of technology! We may end up in a space where we don’t lead technology and set the pace for the future, rather get pulled and pushed all over the pace as technology decides how it wants to use/abuse or not use our human services for its propagation! Let’s leave out those 1% and see what we can do within what’s possible at our own individual levels to ensure that we stay connected the way humans should!

Create rituals! Yes, organised rituals at your work desk as you start to crunch you day- and make people to people- non-work talk an essential aspect of this space! Make it a point to use the famed 80:20 principle when you connect with other people- let this 20% of time be used to have that human conversation which revolves around shared values and aspects that go to define and uplift human life! It could be as simple as , “How’s everyone at home?”, to something like “How’s your novel writing coming up?” or perhaps “How’s your thesis going?”, it could be about good times, planing small get- together (law permitting in your space and city), anything but work! Next, make space for those corporate and work life related – bitching calls- no matter whether you are good or bad at the job that you do- you will be a part of this- either creating and leading it or at the receiving end- as long as these remain harmless and don’t impact the sanctity of the work values and ethics, things will be fun and needed to vent out your frustrations where they need to be done! There’s no point breaking crockery at home because you had a bad day- you just end up adding to your won expenses and unwanted next set of complications dealing with people at home! Make an effort and time your exit from the day’s work- this is easier said than done! But, unless you don’t put your foot down, things will not change, remember- the organisation pays you as per the contract that you have signed up for- anything extra that you do- is the loss of the seconds of your life and a windfall gain day-in and day-out for the organization! It’s kind of you work for 40 days of the months and get paid for 30! Limit your screen times to what is vital and essential, stay away from the screens unless you are going to end up someone getting killed! Stop that unwanted urge to keep checking and re-checking that like, comment or views on our social pages and presence, the fact is, trust me it doesn’t matter, unless you are in that fabled 1%!

When it comes to kids, sure enough quite challenging to ask other parents to send in their kids for play dates and all that (depends on IQ levels of the parents largely)! So if you have young kids around in your family or extended family take a few minutes off each day- talk to them and explain to them what’s happening and keep up that conversation and curiosity up and running, for heaven’s sake don’t let a search engine be the answer to all the questions that their inquisitive minds have and if you do this right, they will emerge the other side of this storm – still curious, young, inquisitive and full of life and courage! This us what we need as humanity more than anything else- A resilient younger generation which has been formed and forged by a severe storm, which has not been dented or broken but rather become stronger and even more sharper, the way the things have unfolded around them!

Think again, when you have that compelling urge to stay glued to your gadgets! If you are still reading this, well it’s about time you complete the next few sentences and race back to your family/friends for that quick chat and re-discover the joy of being connected with humanity!

I leave your here, urging you to reflect and decide for yourself, the balance that you wish to cultivate with the gadgets that you command and the people that you cherish!

Ciao for now, will be back with another article soon! Until then stay wise and stay safe!

Decoding “ism’s”: Why they work & why they don’t!

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

Now, before you start making any judgment about what this article perhaps may suggest or not and what my take on the issue of “ism’s” is- well none of this really matters- what is important and what this article deals with are the observed facts – The things as we see and what is the best we can do with what we experience either by accepting, rejecting or remaining indifferent to all those “ism’s” around us! So let’s roll by starting to understand what and who these “ism’s” are!

No matter where you work or who works for you (if you have your own business), which nation you come from, what society you live in- “ism” is a phenomenon which is perhaps as old as human civilization itself! “Ism’s” stands for – groupism, nepotism, favoritism so on and so forth and also makes it presence felt through despise, neglect, indifference and behavioral non-acknowledgement! Like everything else with humanity- by itself – none of the attributes are harmful to cause any serious damage- When these are applied and work in a directed manner, setting off a cascade of imbalances -which more often than not end up harming more people than it is meant to help the few that adhere to the set of the operating “ism” that all hell breaks loose!

Consider this case, say you are a powerful politician with an immense sway and acceptance among the citizenry that worships you like a demi-God. After serving long, your time has come to hang up your boots and offer that position to someone else who can further your legacy- you have a set of loyal workers who have been with you through the years and you have your own kid- that has been showing promise- not necessarily the best of the best among your party (group) what choice do you make? Go by merit strictly- shunning away your own blood- to have a face off at the family dinner table every evening? or stand solidly behind- project your heir to the chair and ask your group members to swear allegiance to the new upcoming order and awarding them with what they want and what you can for this kind act! Well, depending on which part of the globe you are- irrespective of the decision you take- whether you go ahead with your party nominated leaders or place your heir to the chair- you will always be accused of practicing nepotism! This is is the fact of being nepotistic and furthering nepotism- but the counter-point is equally important! Park your thoughts on this politician’s case and we will revisit this towards the end!

I am sure you would have paid a visit to the doctor- at least for some reason- if not for yourself- for someone that you know- possibly for someone you care- What did you do-when you had to make that life changing decision of entrusting your life or the life of someone you value in the hands of a doctor for a major surgery? Did you go by the medical school grades of the doctor? His legacy? His family name and history?What was it? Chances are- if you come from a place like India- where the concept of “Family Doctor’s” is still alive you have generations of families aligned to generations of healers/doctors all for a good reason- that ability to heal and cure runs in their lineage! Well- you may call this unscientific bullshit- perhaps it is- but it works! The chances are that when you want to trust a doctor with your open heart on the operating table- you will find it more comforting to know that the doctor comes from a family of surgeons rather than having a dude who walked out of a medical school last summer with a gold medal! So at times- nepotism is the only pivot of hope, likewise you have lawyers/advocates. Surely- the Jr. Doctor- may not be as sharp as the Sr. Doc in the family line- well that applies to you as well! isn’t it! Intellectual degeneration is the hallmark of humanity and the ability to even retain the same level of intellect as the previous generation is a “wow” moment in today’s era!

Now let’s examine what plays out in the professional settings! Consider this, you have through sheer hard work set up a multi billion dollar empire or perhaps even a million dollar business- it’s time for you to retire- what are the chances that you want to promote that Executive over your own kids and place them on the Directorship of the firm thereby giving them almost the ownership of the firm- Simply because they excelled at their work? not to forget the fact that for all that they have contributed to the firm, they have been rewarded all along with perks and salary for the same all the way? or Do you place your kid on the board and ensure that the “A” team sticks together and follows the rule book by listening to the chair- no matter who is on it! In yet another setting it could be all about that odd film or that web series you want to make with millions at stake and investors gunning for your blood- should it fail, you are toast- what do you do? Go with the safe cast and crew to ensure the project is completed in time and there is a greater awareness and chances of recovering the investments or go ahead by experimenting with new faces and unknown technical teams- just to follow your passion of doing something unique and fresh? Well if that scores a goal- you will remain to tell the story- else you will be in all probability evaluating your options of survival! So does this mean that “ism’s” are here to stay and there is no way around that? Well the answer is Yes and No- Yes- “ism’s will stay as long as humanity walks on this planet and No you don’t have to suffer on account of “ism’s if you don’t want the profits that come with it!- How is that done- well read on!

The safest way and perhaps the only way to tackle and deal with the “ism’s” is to be fiercely self-aware and know more about yourself than you know about the world around you! You see the power to destroy/create or get broken or build comes from within- within each of us- unless you don’t individually allow or empower another person to impact/ effect your thinking and who you are- You are safe and can deal with “ism’s” either by embracing them- be a part of the gang-play your role for a while as long as you are comfortable and gracefully exit when the time comes- like most of them do- without bring bridges and maintaining social relevance! The other way is to Accept “ism’s” is – See them as they are and don’t get entrapped or allured by their power and temptation and continue with your track and approach – Knowing well that your trim levels will arrive much faster and quicker and that you will be eventually ejected from the system earlier than other’s irrespective of what your potential is and whether you are valuable or useless to the people and the set up that you are aligned with! This second approach provides the bedrock to create a formidable seed to downplay “ism’s” and that approach is of “Authoring your own story”. As an option perhaps, not many will be able to exercise this, unless they are ably supported by family and people who matter and care for who “You” are and this scarcity makes this tribe even more ingenious! This is the place that breeds innovators, world-class artists, experts in various fields- from culinary to medicine, from engineering to design! Once you arrive in this space of being able to create and craft your present for a future of your choice- You become indifferent to all the prevailing “ism’s” around you and ironically enough as you taste success- these very “ism’s” will come searching for you to again allure you to their clan so that they can keep harvesting on the exploits of the genius thinking that you offer to the world- by claiming that you belong to their “ism”! So you see finally even success crafted and created by your own merit will draw you back to something that you were escaping- The only difference being that this time- You control the pack and You get to decide when Enough is Enough and no matter what you say or do- Your Indifference – becomes your greatest asset- since you have already learnt the act and craft to create and survive without any “ism” around you!

Being a coach, we learn dealing through our experience with people- The only singular truth that remains is – the fact that- Each individual’s truth is a their own reality to which they will always remain glued- the depth and spread of that truth either makes them all encompassing or self-limiting! There is nothing right or wrong about “ism’s” how we deal with it and what approach we take to deal with it- either makes “ism” work for us and help us or makes it works against us to harm us! The human mind, being what it is- through your life time- at one point the “ism” will your vital need – pivoting on your existence and yet at another time as your purpose is served, you will despise and reject that very “ism” as it never existed! Nothing right and nothing wrong about it! The only important thing being- don’t plan your life aligned to “ism’s- that is a fatal fallacy and can wreak havoc with even the most intelligent minds! As long as you stay focused within and know who “You” are and learn to manage that bit- all else can be dealt with later!

I will leave you with these thoughts for now, to perhaps re-evaluate your priorities and see whether you are entrapped/ fostering or staying indifferent to the “ism’s” around your fragile life!

Ciao for now, will be back soon with another article! keep those mails coming in and do let me know what next you would like to read about!