Tag: values

Conflict of Values.

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

The title is what we were, are and will ever and always be! Three words but humanity is encapsulated into this frame, try it the way you want to! Join me for a short piece as we try to explore and understand what is this conflict of values all about and why does it play a vital role that it does!

Ever since we are able to make sense and through our formative years, we are always told about values, beliefs and way of life which is supposed to be “the way” and perhaps in a few extreme cases , “the only way” to live and go about our lives! Well so far so good, as long as you see this concept in isolation, one person’s truth remains to be with that person in the confines that the person is going about their lives! The fun really starts as people begin to cross your path and if you are blessed even with an average working brain- you are all set for the proverbial, “conflict of values” and this is where people are formed and destroyed, rise up or are buried into the oblivion, because when it comes to the conflict of values, it is never about whose value is better over the other, rather it is about how well is an individual’s value able to stand the test of time and competing values to keep your persona steady and on the chosen path that you have set out to tread upon! Let me explain this space for you!

You see, as individuals, we are indoctrinated with the values that are handed over to us from our family or the immediate impacting surroundings that may be surrounding us, as we make progress and begin to meet others, we become more and more familiar with what the other person’s values are, we do, what I call is a “value trade off”- remember the school days- something like those play dates, sharing of cup cakes kind of thing- ya, real cute bits like that- we basically start to gravitate to values which make our life easy- easy to manage, progress and maneuver and that’s how it is with each one of us- trust me there is nothing wrong and right about this bit. By now, you may want to ask, if we are all a mixture of traded values in terms of personality- why do we then end up being so different from each other- so much of individuality? Well, the answer is that depends on how you apply the values to what you do as you go about your life! You see values are like the proverbial double edged sword- it can cut the veggies for you and it can cut you as food for someone else! So our individualistic discerning mind, applied to the values that we hold in a context that we god about living our lives, is what we are- as a sum total of all of these variables! Each time either the value, the mind or the contextual settings are altered – you will no longer tend to remain who you are and you will experience a personality shift and that is how we come to the next bit of Value types!

If you ask me, knowing that I really like to keep things simple, I see Values only of two types- Negotiable and Non-Negotiable. Primarily negotiable values are those where you are ready to cross that line of social behaviour or approach to ensure something gets done- without inviting collateral damage or harm and whatever that is is manageable. Non-Negotiable Values are basically your personification- you in Action- and these are something that you are not ready under any amount of pressure to give up – even if that were to cause danger to your very existence! Consider this, say you imbibe the value of liberty and security of your nation- would you be ready to die, if asked to? Well, if that’s your non-negotiable value- you would certainly go all the way to be remembered as a fallen hero than rather live like a hopeless and coward member of an enslaved society. Consider another example, you believe that you will not pay bribes if found violating traffic signals and just as you had it, you are racing for that all important meeting and now, you have a choice, either follow the rule, leave your vehicle, miss that million dollar deal meeting, perhaps loose your job and walk your way home, or slide in that dollar, apologize a hundred times (be honest about that!) and get to that meeting and as you end your day, thank the Lord for being kind, you cracked the deal, made your money, still have your job and have your vehicle! You perhaps still feel guilty about paying that bribe- but than you see the entire context around it and settle down promising yourself never to anything like that ever again! So what do you think you would have done- something similar right? Well, sure enough- see as humans we are hardwired to ensure that we survive and in the modern day context our survival is no longer the wild animals and mad race to tame the world- it is about ensuring that we are able to sustain and progress the lifestyle that we have chosen or aspire to have and for doing that we utilize our value system as an internal gyroscope. Every time our values are challenged or end up in a conflict with another person’s (as it will normally be that way- unless you are that crazy scientist or that gifted surgeon- working away individually) we have life changing events and manifestations coming to the fore and these either form us or break us either-ways redefining who we are!

A lot of politics, conflicts and corporate bitching that goes on in this world , is nothing but the cloaked presence of these conflicting values! You see you have a manager that you report into who believes to that Tea is better than Coffee and hence all Tea drinkers are better than Coffee and you just mentioned to him the other day – how much you love your Coffee and how you are ready to even kill someone for that! (well this is just an example!). So, what you have now done is opened up a Pandora’s box to compete and pit values against each other and this is where the funnier part begins to get dangerous! Offices are replete with examples how, conflicts ensues from reasons ranging from email drafting, to picking up the phone in three rings , to wearing the ID in a particular manner and so on and so forth- these are all nothing more but manifestation of Value Conflicts- where the one who can impose their values on to other s always seems to be getting the upper hand! Well there is nothing wrong and right about this, as I said earlier, many organisations have this whole space around storming, norming an forming to being in congruence and alignment among people of a team. That works well only and only if there is enough space allowed for individual non-negotiable values to co-exist alongside non-negotiable values of the team or the organisation as the case may be! Let me explain!

Consider you run a design studio and have a bunch of design geeks with you, as crazy as they would be- not to forget each strong and rooted in their own individual design philosophy- so now if this organisation has to make any progress even for an inch ahead- it has always to remember to value the intrinsic value systems that these strong individuals hold and always work to ensure that these individual values align , co-exist and are applied to meet the organisational value systems that it may have etched itself with as far as design sensibilities and approach to design goes! As long as this is done and every individual gets that freedom around , there will be magic coming through their work, on the contrary if that individual value st system is stiffed and people are made to work to corporate templates and design manuals- in not time- whether you work for a burger company or an automobile company everything will begin to look the same! So should conflict of values be avoided? Certainly not!

In fact conflict of values is something that should be embraced and encouraged (but not intentionally planted or created for the heck of it). As we grow, not all values that we hold remain dear to us with the same intensity! You may have negotiable ones’ becoming non-negotiable, few may fade away, new ones’ would come in, that is what is reflected the way we mature and grow and how much of maturity, sanity and wisdom we bring to life is nothing but the aggregation of the values that we hold within us in that movement of time! We are constantly forming, day in, day out at times consciously and yet at other times unconsciously, we are receiving and giving away our feelers to the universe and everyone around us that’s how we begin to like whom we hate, dislike whom we adored and so on and so forth, that dynamism is the essence of human progress and growth! As long as you are able to create competition among values that individuals bring with them in a manner that helps these values compete and align to a greater cause and eventually either become something else which benefits all, everything is fine and helpful! However when these very values embark upon dangerous ego rides and get hitched on the wrong shoulders, disasters happen and that is when you have organisations folding up, nations going to war and society getting ripped apart! So what’s the final word? Here you go!

All of us, You, and I included are nothing but an act of our values within- how we present ourselves to the world personifies what we have within and who we are, sure enough not everyone will be able to see as we want them to look at us and that is a different challenge of perception (will talk about that some other time!). More importantly we are constantly changing as far as peripheral values are concerned- core perhaps will not change (unless you have really survived something nasty!) and that dynamism of values is vital to keep your presence as vibrant as it should be so that relevance and acceptance go hand in hand wherever you choose to project yourself! When your values get into conflict, You will always be the winner irrespective if your values stay, get altered or you acquire news ones’ for the older ones’ you had , as long as your mind is aligned to utilize those values for the causes that serve the greater good! You see copper sulfate is a great insecticide but if you forget to wash your fruits coated with it, you will end up having home runs to the washroom for a day at least!

Values are absolute, no two values are ever equal, because no two people holding them are ever the same! Once you have known this secret, you have aligned your life for the greater good, with a soul that yearns to embrace the conflict of values to form and forge you ever more, one moment unto the next so that you continue to be who you are, adding up what serves you and doing away with all that threatens to harm you or weigh you down!

I will leave you here with these thoughts, urging you to get in touch with the values that you hold within- which are negotiable, which aren’t, how do they make you- who you are in the now that you exist and how you plan to embrace the conflict of values as your venture out to meet new people, friends sand colleagues to make the world a shade better than what it was yesterday!

Ciao for now, will be back soon with another one! Until than stay safe, Stay wise and stay authentic!

Look East for Sunrise!

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

As we head to wind up another week through the month and the year, I thought this would be a good short piece to wind up with for this week! How often have you come across people who are in an endless rut of nagging, complaining, arguing and bitching about everything, something , everyone or at least someone at some or the other time or rarely all the time! Well this piece aims to look into what’s happening around this; so that the next time you come across it- you know exactly what you are dealing with!

As modern lifestyles have evolved-across the world (and it really doesn’t matter whether you are a resident of a remote town in the hinterland of the USA or you are a resident of a buzzing metro in an Asian country or native of a small quaint town tucked away in some serene mountain range or a beach somewhere on this planet- It really doesn’t matter!) and if you have been touched by modern day values systems and the seemingly innocent E-onslaught to information (don’t read information as Knowledge), then welcome to the party! You are either someone who is at the receiving end of the senseless rut and nagging around you or you are one of them who are contributing towards it!

If you have ever got an opportunity to look around you and observe what people talk/ discuss – either when they have planned meetings or those on-the-move meetings through corridors and across aisles or pathways on streets- What is that people are talking to each other about? What is that they are spending more time thinking or rather communicating about? What is the level of relevance of that chatter to who they are, what they do and how much can they really influence the topic what they are busy chatting way to glory without a structure follow-up response and will anyone really care for the response eventually and will anything really change?! So what’s happening here- Why are people throwing away precious seconds of their limited supply of time by participating in things and act that do not merit the kind of value and attention?! Well read on…

People are almost always trapped into what I call is the“Trap of Illusion” these traps are hard to detect, yet once detected easy to avoid and stay away from! Regardless of everything else, people spend away precious moments of their available time deliberating and discussing things in the most non-productive manner and in a way that more then often leads to nothingness in terms of effecting any desired change for which the discussion is started in the first place!

You would have seen how people speak about that “colleague” being not productive enough or what that person should be doing- not doing etc. etc., or how a government is simply ineffective, or how NASA or President Trump should be doing ABC and not doing PQR..so on and so forth- Well the problem here is not about the topics that are being discussed rather it is about Where they are being discussed and with Whom and Why! when none of is it is going to make a difference for the subjects of that discussion as the forum by itself is unwarranted and holds no merit!

The golden rule of life is “Look East for Sunrise!” It is imperative that when we all have a limited supply of time with each one of us in terms of he fleeting seconds that we have- it will be only wise to use them as genuinely and judiciously as possible so that we create an impact and effect lives of people around us in a meaningful manner so that it creates an environment of meaningful impact which alters lives and surroundings in a positive manner that helps endure value for a longer time as much as possible! This simple and original truth when applied across all that we do not only empowers us to transform our lives from within but also the lives of every person that we come across – because then we are always having uplifting and future centric discussions and thoughts that are seeking answers to create and build something better and bigger for the times ahead- which by creating lasting value!

It is but essential that we understand the importance of subtle truths and facts of life- these are what go on to make the foundations for how we project ourselves and in effect how that projection goes on to create something more meaningful and of grater value to everyone around us! If we want to build something, create anything of consequence then we must shun everything else and ensure that we are facing east so that we can soak in the sunrise that’s over the horizon and this alone can be your guiding light for the journey ahead! It’s time we begin to value our sunrises, because even the number of sunrises that you will experience in your lifetime are coded deep within who you are- and it’s your behavior and approach alone that makes this journey last a bit longer by creating value or makes it shorter and swifter which ends even before you realize what hit you!

As you plan to hit the weekend, take a pause and think around all that you have discussing and engaging with in the week that just went by and decide for yourself – If you are indeed facing East or spending time fighting the shadows to no end!

Until next time, have a blessed weekend, stay wise and look East!

The concept of God!

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

Today, as India celebrates one of it’s many religious festivals, “Mahashivratri“, I thought this was a great time to understand our idea of the supreme power! Just share a few observations about how through the ages our ideas and perceptions of the supreme energy have evolved and continue to do so and how each of these ideas, irrespective the path chosen (read- religion/faith)

The greatest lesson that one can learn being born in India (pretty early in life- at times even before you are born!) is to learn to believe- As a nation we have this deeply enshrined value system of believing- having faith and being always sure that no matter how much sad, bogged down and screwed up or miserable your life seems to be- there is a reason to believe that the next sunrise will be better then the earlier one and things will change- and the best part of this eternal belief system is that this is a common fabric that runs across all the faiths and belief systems that you encounter in this great land and almost across the world!

The child in me, being the inquisitive one like always- has and still continues to wonder multiple facets about this whole concept of God and The Supreme Energy- What is actually the concept of God!? What is this all about anyways? Why should we place belief in something that we cannot see and why should we believe in God and not believe in negative forces (read ghosts etc.) I have spent close to 25 years learning, studying and observing this facet, reading through religious scripts (across faiths), talking to enlightened ( and at times not so enlightened Gurus and respected teachers and community leaders) all with one aim- to try and understand what is this all about anyways and how do we fit in this space! Well, going by the limitations of the blog, in the next few passages I will share with you what I learnt and possibly we will conclude by arriving at a broader inference and then move back into our own private spaces to pursue our pathways to realize the supreme power that we believe in!

Irrespective of the pathway (read here religious or belief system) you choose, the final goal seems to be that of assimilation into the supremely sublime and all encompassing Universal Energy which interestingly each of the pathways believes to be the beginning- the present, the end and also a dimension and space beyond the end ( something which never ends- read eternal). The magic around this one aspect that many pathways converge around is that – each of the pathways within their own rights- has a given code of direction to achieve this evasive yet magnetic state- a state wherein as a human you become liberated once and for all from all the trials and tribulations and also are able to enjoy a state of bliss through “who you are” well this is where you have the concept of “Your Soul” coming in- The whole discussion around the space of achieving eternal bliss is for the contentment of your soul- for that is the final destination of your soul- so say all the pathways!

Certainly there are variations, no doubt- Some pathways believe in multi- energy supreme state (God), few believe in a system where the Supreme power is one and only with none other (at times bordering at the lines of despise and anguish towards all those who consider to be even little accommodating for anything else) and then few pathways see the entire life as a gift of the supreme power and that what we do , say , touch, hear or speak must always deem fit to the supreme power’s aura (for it is whose creation we all are!) Till this point all is fine- all looks great- different pathways – achieving something similar (if not the same) and seemingly non-interfering into others’ majorly. Unfortunately- this is the point from where digression begins and for once – Human societies the world over have shown that no matter what a particular belief or faith says- when human being decide go manipulate it and use it for ulterior motives there is no one coming to rescue anyone of us- not even the supreme power!

As a student of Geography, we all learnt -that climate impacted human evolution and development- in fact stretch this concept further back- possibly qualified anthropologists would be happy to guide you on how human beings evolved and how different streaks of racial features developed under different geographical and climatic conditions- and yes each of these developments had nothing- absolutely nothing to do with any Supreme Power of belief system- at least until that point!

As humans began to get more and more control around their immediate geographical surroundings and social structures started to get develop- formats of instructions to conduct daily routines and rituals possibly began to emerge- The greatest mystery across all religions and all pathways of the belief system will always be and remain- How exactly did this Life’s Instruction manual get decoded- by a few or in some pathways by a single individual (who no doubt would have had a streak of some supreme being within!) But once it was decoded enough (and the interpretation goes on across the human landscape to this day (on what was said- by whom- when – why- what it meant then- what it means now and so on and so forth), fortunately or unfortunately for making- many of these pathways and belief systems started to get hijacked by a few people for one or the other reason- either by creation of systems and processes within or otherwise- which further got shaded and colored with average human biases and distractions – which over centuries have lead astray many a pathways and in few unfortunate cases have set them up in complete disarray from their higher objectives of being able to serve and service the larger and greater good of humanity!

What started as a simplified and genuine approach to unravel the mysteries of our own self to connect with and reach out to the supreme powers that govern the universe, ended up being rather ordinary and self-serving to drive earthly agendas for the glory and misery of humanity- Of course yes, thankfully not all have gown down that way and few genuine pathways exist and operate and that is evident from the very fact that no matter which corner of the world you are in- even today you would have at least one stranger approach you and offer you help- expecting absolutely nothing in return! That is undoubtedly the greatest gift that any of the genuine pathways/ belief systems have given to mankind- A universal duty of care”!

If you ask me, through my personal engagements with learned people (across faiths and belief systems) the concept of God, Supreme power, all rests in simple aspects of life- reaching out and doing good for others- without expecting anything in return- staying grounded- being humble and very importantly Staying Human. This according to me is the very essence of the whole concept of God, serving others, serving yourself, your community, society,nation- Serve fellow humans with kindness, goodness and dignity and rest assured, irrespective the pathway and the belief system you choose- at the end of the day- You will be rewarded with what you seek through your pathway- Just by serving fellow humans! For God/ Supreme Power resides not only into the uncertain and unknown spaces of the big known and unknown universe- this energy and power resides, reflects and resonates within each one of us- living/ non-living and service to each one of us is service unto that supreme power!

I leave you with these thoughts and allow you to seek your connect with that great power on this auspicious day and hope even as you seek your eternal reward you exercise ” A universal duty of care” unto fellow humans- irrespective of the pathways and the belief systems that we choose! Always remember- Stardust is what we all are- each one of us and that is what we eventually become- Stardust!

Ciao for now, will catch up with another fleeting piece soon, until then- stay connected and stay wise!

Wasted lives and the quest for immortality-the story of our times!

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

Yes, a completely different and refreshing take on what drives us, binds us and at the end of all blinds us to believe what we normally do and how these beliefs help and destroy us even as we strive to shape our lives in a quest to stay alive forever (read immortality) and end up doing more often then not what we are not designed to (read wasted lives!)

Just look around you- among your friends, colleagues, family members, just across to any random stranger- what seems striking is more then ever in the history of humankind, people in general are living and going about their lives as if they are going to live forever! and when the die (which they technically require to-until you have cyborgs roaming around that is!) it is often the case of misplaced priorities, lost opportunities and a lifetimes’s realization coming in just around the final turn- that what a waste it has been! Well, don’t panic and don’t jump to conclusions as yet, I am not suggesting anyway that all of us are wasted and wasting away- but this is an important anchor point of thought that one must be aware of to be absolutely sure that this is not how you want the last 10 minutes of your existence to be! So what is that we need to do about it and is there anything that we can really do about it!

People go around their lives impacting every other person that they engage with- these engagements and interactions are either sustained (in case of families and friends who cannot escape you) or are those fleeting flashes of encounters which either make to break things for the interacting individuals and at times build psyche that subsequently goes on to impact and alter subsequent engagements and interactions- long term and short term both! The challenge here is to ensure that quality of these engagements and interactions is really high and something that creates a new or a refreshing way of dealing and engaging. Think about this for a few minutes before you race ahead- How wonderful it would be if you are able to spread warmth every day and radiance like the warm winter sun and just brush that off to others around you to encourage them to the same- well sounds poetic and utopian- well it is indeed and this is also one of the reasons why our lives don’t end up being water color portraits is the contexts around us and how we decide to manage and navigate around them. While doing so however what happens is that we tend to become mediocre and start believing more about the context around us rather then reposing that faith into ourselves to prevail and overcome the contextual settings around us!

The net result of having more faith and belief in our contextual settings (read society and everything that is external to you) is that you end up using valuable time pursuing aspects and things that in the end will really not matter and no one will even remember of them having occurred in the next 100 years once the plug is pulled off your physical existence! Somewhere going about this- one experiences flashes of realization like- “This must be stopped”, “This is not what I want to do”, “What am I doing with my life”, but unless there is a sincere and focused effort to take a pause, reflect and seek what really life means for you and how you propose to ensure your idea on one aspect that you have experience can be altered in a way that you remain long after your physical experience is ceased- is the essence of the never ending quest for immortality!

As long as people continue to do things to manage and alter their immediate contextual environments with a myopic vision, they will eventually land up in the dreaded space of realizing towards the end- What a waste it has been!

A possible approach is to lead a mindful way of life- being mindful is all about being aware of what is going on in the moment and within the context of the time in the moment! It has to do a lot with dealing with everything and everyone around you within a set context of time without switching ahead into the future or slipping back into the past and trying to develop weighted perceptions based on the events already occurred or anticipating they may develop. Well this seems all easier said then done- but then nothing worthwhile in our lives has ever come easily – even to evolve to the biochemical machine that we are today- nature has taken millions of years!

There is a reason why we do not see more examples from our times- which we can confidently say will continue to impact and alter the way societies will function three hundreds years from now! Go back to history and stick around the 16th, 17th and earlier part of the 18th century- many of the things that were created, invented then have been the foundation which has enabled us live the lives that we live today- that is the point here! A closer look into the minds and lives of the people who made these things possible has a common thread (no matter which field they belonged to and what contribution they did) of being able to offer something that will stand the test of time and is built on simplicity and effectiveness and with an utilitarian value that reaches out to all sections of the society! This way and this approach is the essence of realizing immortality in a real sense. Immortality through ideas and solutions that go on to serve human kind for centuries after you physically cease to exist!

Pick up that coffee cup and spend some time today and give it a thought- “What is that you are doing with your life and what is that you want to be remembered for ever after – once you are physically taken away by time!

Do keep writing in with your suggestions/requests on what other topics/articles that you would like to share your time on. For coaching, talks, seminars and training programs offered by me towards empowerment and for customized solutions reach me at parimal.aluri@simplifylives.com.