coach – An Aura of Fleeting Thoughts

Whether you take the beaten path or are one of those explorers who believe in creating your won way, there will be a time when you will hit the cross road and when you do arrive there, the choices that you make either will make you keep moving ahead or you will end up coming back to the crossroad over and over again, until you are able to choose the right path and say a final bye to the crossroad! Join me here, we we try to understand what is this crossroad really communicating to you, how do you make a choice when you are there, and what do you do when you get looped back in or are able to race ahead! So here we go!

As we go about our lives, each one of us passes through the crossroad- at different developmental stages- when we are studying, as we build and destroy relations and as we succeed and fail in our worldly pursuits of success. Few of us are very blessed, in the sense that whether they rise higher or perish, they have no other option to take a pause at the crossroad and evaluate their next move- say you are born in a politicians family, you are born as a heir to a business empire of few billion dollars- and frankly in those kind of scenarios why should you really care about the signboards on the path of life- I mean who would- because just by the virtue of the context that you have got- you are already way ahead in the race- and if you succeed- no one gives you the personal credit- unless you do something radically different and if you fail- you are still let go- with a minor warp because everyplace knows you can still live the way you want to- whether you do or don’t do anything! So if this the kind of unimportance that the crossroad attracts from these few blessed souls, why does much of humanity struggle when they arrive here? Read on!

For the large majority of humanity, our arrival at the crossroad is as certain and as fatal and final as are the chances of living and dying without anyone knowing we were here on this planet and we did make a difference! The only issue that pops up here is that, most of us are really unprepared when we reach this point, and unless and until you have your personal progress checklist handy and ready- no matter what you do- every time you arrive at a crossroad you will be taking a chance and as the rule is with the game of chances- you have to be very very lucky indeed to get it right the very first time and if you don’t then the never ending looping back to the cross road commences! This never ending loop is what makes our life a wonderful engaging story or a nightmare based on not only what the choices we make, but importantly also how we respond and deal with the choices that we make- how well we are able to stand by, face and tame them- irrespective whether they are working in our favor or conspiring against us! Let me explain…

For the blessed few, who happen to be in the settings where they should be, the crossroads are just an intersection where the light is always green for them, so they just whizz past hardly ever bothered about what is around, for their purpose and goal is etched and they are on the way given the foundation that they have to bank on. When it to come sot the majority of us, like you and I , the crossroads that we come across seem something like these- what field should I study , or perhaps now that I have studied, what should I further specialize in, now that’s done, should I work or be on my own, if work, where, if on my own, how….so on and so forth! Don’t even think that these are normal decisions that you are supposed to take- these are decisions where you are forcing on a choice comparing a few alternative. This is surely not that kind of a pizza question- with cheese or without- this is more with so many pizza’s around me, which one should I go for! The crossroad is not about what you do with a given option, it is about choosing an option from what is around you- based on how and where you have arrived! Think about it! So how can we make the most out of it when we are at a crossroad? Read on!

Like with everything else, your ability to make most of it when you arrive at a crossroad- will depend largely on how prepared are you when you arrive at that point! Consider this, you join an organisation at an X level and you have this finite aspiration of one day being at the corner office.You arrive at this day when you are been told that – you are not enough for that office- what do you? You have options- smack that person- ask him to get lost and you seek a new place that gives you that corner office- next week or you listen, assimilate and work around to become eligible for it in some more time, or you just jump out of the window, whining you are finished, or you just hit the bar! How you react will depend on what your readiness, preparations have been as you were working towards your aspiration of being in that corner office. You see, you can dream- that’s the easy part- working upon it- is the difficult part and what’s where shit happens to 95% people! The reason for that is not that you are incompetent- but the the process- you see the goal/the aspiration- of the corner office or being able to win over the person of your dreams is the easy part- the difficult one is work- know- learn and apply yourself to all the non glorious part that goes on to sustain and manage what your aspiration or desire is!

As long as you arrive prepared with the necessary hard work, have few thoughts and plans about what you really want to with your life; each time a question is poised to you, either by the people or the circumstances that you come to face, you will be able to evaluate, decide and move ahead by an empowering choice and that’s when the crossroad will end up being more helpful than you think! A lot of us, would have heard about- “I had a choice, I thought about it….but than I did this, or that happened and than life took a turn…..away….form what….I aspired!. Well these are nothing more or nothing less but the confessions of people who were at the crossroad- perhaps unprepared or perhaps they faced the odds where they had no other choice but to take a detour! This seems bad- don’t think that way- because- may success stories are ever indebted to these forced/unplanned detours- as people than became more cautious, alert and observant as they walked a path that they had not intended to- and that powerful learning on a new path- made a whole new person out of them- which rewarded not only them but as they shared their learning with the worlds- helped us all- you know these people- this is more or less the story of all the great people who have offered to us the world as we see today! Innovators, Scientists, Business disruptors, Statesmen who lead nations(in the real sense of the words), you think about all the magic you see around that goes to make your life easy- it’s already because of the direct or indirect detours that a few souls had to undertake when they were at the crossroads of their life! So when do crossroads really hurt bad?

When people arrive at crossroads, less prepared, take detours and still not learn, coming back to the same crossroad and going on and on in that loop, that’s where the life giving magical crossroads seem to become a nightmare and simply don’t go away even in broad daylight! Why does this happen- well- the person- you see unless you don’t change-your approach doesn’t change- whether the problem is the same or the problem is a new one- you will end up taking the same action owing to your limited thoughts and that will end up bring you back to the same point! So you basically end up travelling a lot in the same place! The only way, if you ask me to over come this vice like grip of the crossroad- is to bring in a new you to the point- by altering your thinking and approach- unless that is done no matter what your choices look like and what your crossroad is- you will just spend away your whole life in this meaningless loop taking everyone who you care about along with you- adding to their confusion and irritation!

Final words, embrace the crossroads and keep an eye out for them, because as long as you are prepared, you have a goal, a destination, an aspiration, no matter how blurred that may be- the crossroad will be the best direction board that you will ever have come across in life and you will remain ever grateful to that- every second of your coming tomorrow! The best part – not all crossroads are lifeless- few of them also assume human forms- they are your teachers- your coaches, your guides, your friends, your allies- who tell you all the time about the options and consequences and help you by being a reflective board that amplifies your thoughts by weeding out the ambiguity and provindg you clarity- that is so vital for you to set out and achieve what you aspire!

I leave you here, for bow, grab that coffee and think about the crossroad you are now at , or you had been and what was that time like and what did you do, was it an informed decision, an enforced detour that helped you or are you in that loop and want to move out of it now! Think about it and stay prepared- you never know, the next crossroad may be arriving soon- to usher in a wonderful tomorrow just for you!

Ciao for now, stay safe and stay wise and yes be prepared- It helps- always!

The word “coach” has touched us at some or the point in our lives. Whether it was a sport that you wanted to take up or learn to play some music or wanted to prepare for some tough competitive exam- very often we have been advised to get in touch with “abc” to be coached by them because they are the best! Join me here, as we try to unravel what is that makes coaches unique and so awesome and what is it about their approach to situations that sets them apart which enables them to empower their clients in no time and turn around a situation to their advantage!

Before we move ahead, let me clarify that coaching is not mentoring, you see mentoring is almost always a work setting and aligned to specific tasks or goals to be achieved pertaining to a goal that the work team or the individual needs to reach to either ensure their survival or their team’s existence or for their progress as the case may be! Coaching is about empowering the individuals, not because the coach knows everything and knows all, but because the coach knows that only you have the power to bring about a real change within you and the only thing that the coach does is, tells you how to unlock that untapped potential that resides within you and each one of us! This is the essence of real and meaningful coaching- bringing about extraordinary results from ordinary people by empowering them to take courageous actions and thinking so that they know where to look next and what to see as they surge ahead in life! So how do coaches arrive at this space and can anyone of us practice this too?

Coaches too are forged by time, knowledge, experiences, observations and the social construct around them, something very similar to what you and I are, the only thing differently that coaches (someone like me) do is, scan the ecosystem around frequently, rapidly and connect unconnected data points, observations and indicators to weave a meaningful imagery of what is really unfolding for the client! Unlike the mentor- mentee association, coaching or the approach of the coach doesn’t get designed to solve a problem with a full stop, it certainly starts with a pressing issue but as that issue is been resolves what really unfolds is a subtle empowering change within the client- which enables the client themselves to rectify what needs to be, so that they are back on track to what they aspire for! The coach is not the expert to solve the client’s problem, the expert is always the client and the solution too comes from the client, the coach only helps the client to find the solution for the pressing problem by altering the approach to the problem and if required bring about certain fundamental attitudinal changes in behaviour and approach to life in general so that, not only is this problem solved, but also there is enough firmness and resolve intrinsically developed to address and prevail over any such incident should it arise again!

If you want to build that formidable mindset of a coach, you too can, you will possibly first need to throw away your ego- literally vaporize it, if you can! Next you will have to come to terms to the eternal reality that no matter how much you know, you will almost always perhaps know nothing each time a new problem crops up or an old problem comes up in a new setting! Furthermore you will have to realise that you are not a sounding board, but rather a sink- which takes away all that does not serve the client and help unclutter your client’s mind so that once the cup of his mind is half empty- that can be filled with thoughts and ideas that can empower them and help them see clearly and move ahead! As deceptively as all this seems, its a tall order, to throw away the very fundamental of human attributes that all of us have, stay aligned to the centre-line and with every word that is shared with the client to know that what has been said , will serve the purpose of the client and is been done without any prejudice or any personal intent of the coach mixed up with it!

Do you remember, your school or college days and possibly you were coached for some sport? Let’s say you were coached for football, what were you then told- how to move every metre on the ground or just where the goal is and what position you are playing at? Chances are you would have been coached the second way- that is what empowerment is- you are made accountable and so that you can relish your success and embrace your failures in equal measure and this is what true coaches do- they help their client reflect inwards to once again shake hands with selves and their abilities and competencies and that’s about it- once they have re-connected within and are more clear about their goal post- the job of the coach is done! Sure enough if there are some tricky patches and some strategic challenges to overcome the coach is always there, but coaching is never about asking people to do something the way the coach would have done it or getting it done in a particular manner! It is always about how the client wants it to be done and the way that is empowering for the client and serves the greater good for all of those who are involved in it! Because the heart of the matter is that the Coach is not the expert of the Client’s Life- The Client is! The coach just has the expertise to help them de-clutter and use the search light effectively and help them focus where they must and help them stay aligned at all times!

The mind of a coach is ever fluid and is receptive to new situations, challenges and every coach knows that every challenge is unique even as the problem may be similar because the people who are dealing with it are unique and it is their uniqueness which directs them to take steps differently which either ends up simplifying things for them or ends up complicating the problem even further more for them! This is where the coach steps in and save the day for the client! The coaching mindset is also about having phenomenal levels of compassion, empathy and endless energy to have focused and directed listening to really connect and not only listen to what is been said but also to capture the unspoken words through non-verbal cues and statements which are presented with cryptic yes & no both intertwined within each other!

More importantly the coach always presents solutions which are specific, unique and tailor made to fit specific challenges by helping the client to breakdown, prioritize (kind of make a hit list) in accordance of urgency and importance so that they remain on the chosen path of progress! This step and process is repeated for every separate factor that a client may want help with and want it sorted!

The mindset of a coach is all about service orientation, enabling empowerment and creating value by aligning the client to their aspirations as long as they make genuine sense and serve the greater good for everyone involved! Sure enough, there are a lot of technical skills, tools and models that coaches use as they go about working with their clients, but the fundamental thing that every coach has, is the mindset of a coach- which is empowering, liberating and serving the client at all times and never even for a second suggesting anything, but waiting patiently to hear the softest whispers of the client and read the unspoken words to really understand what the trues aspirations are and then helping them achieve it!

I wrap it up here, given the limitation of a blog, guess these fundamental thought starters should be much helpful for now! Think hard, think deep and think long about whether you need a coach or you can be a good coach with the mindset that you have and if you seek that liberation and empowerment for yourself or wish to provide it to someone!

Ciao for now, stay safe and stay wise!