Month: September 2020

Stay Authentic.

~ PA ~ 2 Comments

At a time when everyone wants to end up being someone, the real secret is embedded in a very simple fact- that is of staying authentic- staying and being who you are and who you are comfortable being! Join me here as we explore, what does it take to stay authentic and how does this small shift alter the entire narrative of your purpose enriching it with greater value, depth and direction.

Irrespective of where we are and what part of the social fabric we contribute to, the singular fact remains, that each one of us is Influenced- by someone or the other- now there is nothing to be judgmental or prejudiced about being influenced. Since the dawn of civilizations, humans have been long programmed to seek- leaders and have been benefited by able leaders and have been broken by terrible ones’ and these erstwhile experiences have gone a long way to create the different societies as we witness them around us today! It is these Influences that we receive, which further go on to create an ability within a few of us from the society to continue that Influence- which could be pertaining to an ideology, a belief system or simply an agreed framework of how the society would like to function.

The whole issue with this whole process of Influencing and being Influenced, leaving aside the context and the content what is being shared deals with the subtle aspect of altering the real essence of personalities as who they are and who they should be- unless people are careful- you will witness that Influencer’s and those being Influenced tend to rapidly loose a vital connect with themselves and thereby begin to wear off the charm of who they really are and begin to assume imagery which is nothing close to who they are and what that ends up doing is, you have an entire social fabric that is made of mirrored, fabricated and shallow personalities and ideas. This unwanted outcome of Influence comes to exist, once the true self- the authentic self- is lost- both from the side of the person who is the Influencer and also the audience who are being influenced.

If you were to analyse the global horizon for great Leaders and great Influencer’s , you will see one commonality- As long as Leaders or People of Influence tend to stay true to who they are and share that truth with the audiences that they connect- they are not only effective, impactful and motivational but they also empower their audiences as well to be the same and thereby urging them to, embrace their truth and rise and live by it even as they overcome the challenges that they may be facing at their levels! This is the real essence of Authentic Leadership- or should I say, Leading by staying Authentic! It is only when Leaders lead from this intensely private space, which brings forth who they are their personalities, their vulnerabilities that, they gain the trust and connect which is so vital to lead and influence- this is one way of the leader saying, “This is Who I am and this is where I want to take you along, this is how we are going to get there- Are you coming along?”

When leaders fail to create this foundation of authenticity as they lead or engage, they end up adding veils and layers to their leadership- the whole value around it and the process around it- this goes on to create pseudo value systems and as opacity ensues, one can then witness the rapidly diminishing connect between the leader and the community. The question you may ask, what is so difficult about staying authentic, sound simple? The fact is, there can be nothing more difficult than doing that! Let me explain!

Staying authentic, or bringing authenticity- to the forefront requires more courage than one can imagine, because in this space, whether you are a leader, a follower or a leader in the making- you need some real divine courage to accept – firstly who you are (that calls for some insane levels of self-awareness) and next being able to share that with the community that you are part of – the society, the nation or whatever that group may be! This style of leadership by being authentic, exposing your vulnerabilities is a potent tool to connect, engage and empower everyone around in perhaps the fastest way- the only catch being that you mus be dead sure that the audience or the contextual settings are what they seem to be and aren’t a trojan horse designed to defeat you! How does being authentic help? Read on!

Once you have this incredible sell-awareness about who you are and once you have found out the purpose and how you are going to approach, what remains is merely knowing what serves you and what doesn’t! What serves your cause, your journey and what doesn’t- for all that aligns alongside you empowers you and all that creates a blockade- saps you of that vital energy that you need so badly to keep going to achieve the purpose that you have set out for – not only because you want it- but because the whole process and the journey is nothing more but the personification of your authentic self- and your existence. Anything ambiguous here, will end up creating fogs of doubt, defeating your purpose and also of those who rally around you!

Embracing Authenticity is perhaps the easiest way to let the world know that you are connected within, you know your stuff and hence you are in a better position to tell others how to find their stuff, as you have already done that journey! Authenticity provides adequate empowerment for an individual to have a voice, share, lead or follow, no matter what is the choice made, as long as an authentic approach is applied every role taken up seems to align with the purpose and direction of serving and achieving the greater good for all of those who have embarked upon the journey!

Being authentic, is saying no to a lot of things around and agreeing to a few, because as unique as we are, should we want to hold on to our valid authenticity, it only suggests that there would be few and far in between possibilities to experience the same around us! The journey surely calls for a lot of turbulence within and externally for not everyone will be pleased and neither will everyone be dejected!

The essence of applying authenticity lies in the fact that, through self-awareness, knowing oneself, being true to who you are and the purpose that drives you, can you influence, collaborate, share or follow and navigate across the social fabric around you urging every member to be who they are! Progressive societies are all but a collection of authentic Individuals who have connected and engaged themselves with each other for a common purpose that achieves some greater good for each member of the society even as they retain their authentic self and touch their individual aspirations as they accomplish the larger goals!

I leave you here, with these thoughts for now, urging you to seek your authenticity lever and use that as a pivot to empower yourself and the society around you! Societies that are united even through the diversity experienced by virtue of the authentic constituents thrive and progress each time and every time!

Ciao for now, will be back soon with another article! Until then stay wise, stay safe and stay authentic!

Marketing through fear.

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

Through evolution, if there has been a singular thread that the human mind has been able to hold on to apart from being creative it has been the thread of respecting and taming fear! Join me here as we take a quick look on how this space of fear- has gone to shape us, what we do as individuals and societies and why the marketing of fear is not limited only to companies that sell products and services, but runs beyond that and is much deeper than you can think! So here we go!

Fear- the most basic of human emotions and something that has gone a long way to make who we are today. Fear certainly played it’s part to ensure that as a species we survived and thrived. Experts have written books upon books on how fear helps and how it harms, so I am not going to go ahead and more to that bit, but this is the base point that we will have our piece anchored upon- the singular fact that fear works and perhaps works too well to ensure that we survive and we thrive.This is why people who do market through the angle of fear- almost always get what they set out to achieve! Let me explain!

The pandemic sure enough has brought the entire humanity face to face with a situation that even by standards of pure science and scientific research is mind boggling and giving a tough time even to the renowned experts in the respective fields of study- but what do we observe as we look around? You have anti-viral clothing- formal wear, you suddenly have anti-viral “x”,”y”, “z” and almost everything from the ball pen that you hold in your hand to the mobile cover that you may have or the humble body wash/ hand soaps all of them have been suddenly transformed into oversight anti-viral heroes sure enough with that golden sly condition of 99.99%*** written and said all over as the choreographed visual sleight is played out! Not to forget the sudden wonder foods that have cropped up which are supposed to keep you safe by boosting your immunity even as you smoke and drink and load cholesterol in your system! I mean really? The marketing through fear angle when it comes to what we consume as humans is not limited to this pandemic alone! Let us jog down the memory lane!

If you have been observant, try and recollect how food was marketed to you- whether it was that milk- for protein and health or those humble oats, that white meat, that steak, that vegan movement, that fish with supposedly the most potent pack of Omega 3 fatty acids or those canned shrimps, to the whole narrative of micro plastics in sea food, antibiotics in meat, pesticides in plants and fruits , to chemicals in formulation…so if you actually walked through this who;e circle- by now- you would have checked out almost everything that you can think of eating or drinking simply because for every one narrative that says you should have it else you will get “abc” problems, there are competing narratives which suggest exactly the opposite which say, if you have this, you will certainly get “pqr”. So finally people do what they can, ignore as much as they can, apply science if they have the time and energy and if it is available with them try to apply age old granny’s wisdom and common sense and get moving ahead in life! The people who get sold into these narratives are the ones’ who are entrapped for ever and it is these masses that are than played over by people who want to sell to them whatever they please to, whenever they choose to and at a price that they command! If you thought this fear led communication is only limited to marketing of products and services or the world of communication, think about it- there is virtually not one sector which is untouched by this malaise! Even Governments play out the same strategy, the only difference being that their playbook gets camouflaged into visual-less,boring and printed pointers (change of rules you see) which are often ignored and missed until the IRS or the tax man in your nation comes home paying a visit to you! Let me explain this space too quickly!

Governments the world over have the big task of managing societies- societies which are at times diverse, cohesive, divisive, polarized, idealistic, plural, liberal, accommodating, welcoming, closed..so on and so forth. The matter here is not about what is right or what is not so right, you need to see in this space, how is your government (if you have one!) working on the entire social fabric that you exist in- what is the story that is has been selling to you- do you or rather did you ever or maybe – do you always get a sense that the government is always trying to reach out to you and tell you something that is not right! Think about it, when was the last time that a leader of a society/ nation took to the stage and said, you had given me “x” time and I had 10 things to provide and this is what I have accomplished! Well, hardly any right? So humans, being humans- it doesn’t matter whether you are just who you are or you lead a nation- when you have nothing to say, they spin a story and since being in politics, crime won’t help, neither will any of the other vices, fear is the only instrument of choice to distract, divert and draw people to a non-issue that either doesn’t exist and if it does, blow it so much out of proportion that, by the time everyone is consumed by it- people are left wondering and saying to themselves, ” What was all that about, anyway”!

Whether they tell you stories of the enemy within or around, whether they paint the picture of climate change (even as they themselves clear forests- unknown to you!) or whether they talk about eradicating poverty- while they sustain and increase their personal wealth- all that approach is to instill fear and sell fear- aggressively or subtly to ensure they are able to manipulate and control and get what they want the society to do and allowing only permissible flexibility to resist/divert or stay non-committal- anytime that percentage threatens to wreck the balance of the social balance- an incident will come to the limelight and very often that just goes on to reinforce the stories earlier sold by marketing fear!

Final words, well, whether it is the promise of that tooth paste in your hands about being anti- whatever or that apparel which assures you 99.99%** of whatever that makes sense or it;s that news about that bad country, or bad people or those Vs Us kind of a narrative- all and each of these nudges are to make you feel vulnerable, unsafe and anxious- because it is only when you are vulnerable, opened up and exposed with a mind filled with self-doubt and confusion- that a marketeer or a government will be able to plant the seed of fear and if you make the mistake of allowing that to happen and you go on to nourish it- well you just end up writing a blank cheque to your life- some call it loyalty, I call that ignorant slavery! So what’s the way around, is there any? If everyone seems to be hell bent on manipulating and conspiring all the time! Read on!

Individual awareness, access to multiple verified sources of information and education are the essential ingredients for empowering people to compare, contrast and discern of what is actually unfolding! Debate, discussion in a directed manner to address an issue or a challenge or a developing problem are all but the next steps followed by proactive implementation of legislative steps to safeguard and govern the society with transparency and clarity! Sure enough seems to be a fairy tale, because the moment this happens, what we have is distributed ownership of society where no one member of the society is more important than the other and everyone is as equal and as important as the other person and this is what a few will never want the many to have access to and hence the story of marketing and selling through fear will go on and on unless you are able to discern at your own level and share that insight around your sphere of influence so that at least a section of the society is able to see clearly what lies ahead and is able to save the day for the many- should the time ever arise! This is the space where new leaders are born and new orders are created!

Remember, fear must be respected to be overcome, but not surrendered to! No one overcame fear by surrendering, people have always conquered fear by embracing it!

Ciao for now, will be back soon with another article, until then stay safe and stay wise!

The Teacher.

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

As over a billion souls celebrate “Teachers’ Day” in India, what better to write about on this, 5th day of September. If you want to know why and how about this day, click here and get the context! Dr. Radhakrishnan was a great soul, a giant among the giants- it was that time in the history of India, when even within the political class there was space for brilliant geniuses to take centre stage, collaborate, contribute and lead! Well sure enough this piece is not about him, rather giving a context was necessary before we moved ahead to know “THE TEACHER”! What is it to be a teacher? Who can be one? and what does a real teacher do? Join me as we understand, unravel and get a bearing on this subject, which touches us every day of our life!

I had written sometime back on Guru in the workplace- to write about a teacher is a whole new level! India, is as ancient as one can think about and the civilization’s strength were not always the material wealth but more importantly the wealth of knowledge! Wise people, sages, seers and the great philosophical minds across the world have known this singular universal truth, that irrespective of everything and anything, the most potent weapon/ tool as you may like to address it has always been and will ever be the human mind and what goes into this wonder of evolution is what- your teachers nurture you with!

Teachers’ as a term is not limited only to the ones’ you came across in your school or college or your managers and seniors at the workplace, your gym instructor, your yoga or meditation teacher, it is basically everyone and anyone that you have been able to, are and will learn from- learn something that enriches you- your soul- to first uplift you to see a new perspective and than enabling you to share the same with the others around you- who are able to assimilate and sustain that new learning!

We live in an era now a days, where students get to choose teachers’, unlike the times of the ancient Gurukula system when the student would be fortunate enough to be taught by a much sought after teacher! Anyways, there’s not much that we can do individually around that, but what I am now going to discuss, perhaps will be of much value and interest to you as well! Great Teachers’ don’t always have Great Students and neither do Great Students always have Great Teachers! So what does this tell you something about being a teacher? read on!

The essential connect between the Teacher and the Student (apart from their personalities) is the Quality and Value of the Content! Learning doesn’t take place in vacuum, it needs social space and settings to be practiced, improvised, rejuvenated and deployed. Consider this, if you were to learn to swim- fair enough- you can swim in the swimming tank with a depth of 5 metres, now what if you are asked to swim across the notorious English Channel or in the Sea- what do you think? Will you swim or will you sink? Technically you have learnt what it takes to swim- so by that measure you should be able to swim, isn’t it? But, you too know for a fact that taking an approach route of going from the swimming tank to the Sea- will be nothing more than a shortcut to your grave! So why does the learning not help here? For the simple reason that all teaching and all learning happens in a contextual setting and unless there is improvisation done by the student on their own, applying their discerning mind- that learning will ever be stagnated with no way to go- forward and no place to come back! It’s that uncomfortable feeling of being stuck- plain stuck! So how do people achieve greatness, you may ask? Sure enough people do, but the story there lies not merely in the technical detail about what is been taught, but the real essence lies in who is “THE” teacher and who is “THE” student- what are their goals, aspirations, desires, vision. Unless there is an alignment of vision, desire, aspirations between the Teacher and the Student- no matter how sincere the intent is- how genuine he effort may be- the student’s mind will ever remain a half soaked sponge! Unless and until the contextual settings of their lives, the desires/goals don’t sync-in end-to-end, there will be no magic of greatness created and hence greatness is a rarity by itself and when it comes to evaluating that between a Teacher- Student relation, it’s even more rarer! Think about this bit! There are so many sport coaches around the world- not all are famous- but all are competent to be a sport coach! Sport coach may teach thousands of students, only one among them goes to be the game changer- an icon for the game, not all become world famous- only a few! This happens only when the intent/desire/goals/ aspirations of the students and the teacher align and are favored by contextual settings around. This is the singular secret to achieve greatness by learning from a great master and being able to create magic for everyone by deploying those great learnings!

Another vital aspect of teaching is that, the success/ failure of the teacher is not reflective of the competence/ incompetence of the teacher, rather it is reflective of the student- the student’s ability to remain steadfast, focused, observant and importantly the degree of awareness that the student has acquired! Consider this, if the teacher was the problem, you would have had either equally dumb or equally wise students and likewise the societies would have been too uniformly smart or dumb across, but that never happens ( how I wish!), and the reason for that is the fact that, is the Teacher- Student relationship, even the best teacher and the most vibrant content and quality will be of hardly any use, unless the student allows that to impress upon their hearts and minds! This final veto power- rather how that is used or abused is what goes on to shape the students approach, attitude and altitude that they are able to touch in their lives! As long as this is attuned to the philosophies, guidelines, content quality and has been improvised well, education and learning serves its purpose and individuals are empowered. It is these empowered individuals that go on to create vibrant societies and thats what makes the world a better place- as you see variation in the quality of empowerment- the society too will reflect corresponding variance in its ways of life!

One more final truth- The Teacher can be anyone- for the observant and curious mind- if you remember how you were when you were a toddler and a young kid- you went to everyone (unless you were cranked up) and you observed, studied and grasped what you could from everyone and anyone around- whether that was a human, an animal, a stone or a toy! All of that gave your mind a bossier dose of imagination, which as you grow also helps you to dream and perhaps the ability to dream is the biggest gift that we as humans have (sadly lot of them are forgotten, by the time we wake up and only nightmares keep coming back!). As long as you are able to keep your mind young- vibrant- like that of a baby- ever curious, asking questions, re-visiting the basics and reading that subject again and again just to know perhaps you will find something different now, maybe that sentence did not connect than, but now it does….so on and so forth, once you arrive at this frame of learning- you are a student for life and of life and there can be- rest assured no greater Teacher that you will ever meet than the life that you live and the lives that you are able to influence around you!

So what does a teacher do? You may want to finally ask this! Well as the Zen masters have said- The Wise Teacher, doesn’t tell you what to see, but rather where to look!, Likewise a wise Teacher doesn’t ever ask you what to think or how to think- the teacher simple presents the knowledge and the context. Applying your mind, researching, seeing the contrasts of narratives and deducing inference and logic is what the student’s mind is supposed to do! We live in an era, where what we hear, is crap, what we see or are shown is perhaps misleading, at a time when every person lives unto their own truth and one person’s reality seems to be another’s fiction, it only makes sense to empower students, by helping them to know the contexts allow their minds to deduce what they seem more appropriate through their research, curiosity and observation! The higher that quality, the higher will be their relative success in the times ahead!

Teachers’ through ancient history have always been and will always remain to be the unsung heros’ of the progress that we as humanity have witnessed across societies! Societies/ Kingdoms / Nations alike have risen and fallen in proportion to the rise and fall of the quality and value that teachers’ have been able to create and share with members of the society. Whenever and wherever Teachers’ have suffered, societies have taken a dive, when they have been empowered, societies have risen and raced ahead!

I leave you here, urging you to reach out to the student and the teacher within you and see who’s playing on your mind and who’s playing with your mind! Stay curious, stay inquisitive and no matter how far or how high you reach- stay grounded and read those lesson again- as your experiences of life get altered, the same things read earlier, begin to mean different!

Ciao for now! Will be back soon with another article, until then keep learning, keep teaching and stay connected! Observe and Think!

The crossroad challenge.

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

Whether you take the beaten path or are one of those explorers who believe in creating your won way, there will be a time when you will hit the cross road and when you do arrive there, the choices that you make either will make you keep moving ahead or you will end up coming back to the crossroad over and over again, until you are able to choose the right path and say a final bye to the crossroad! Join me here, we we try to understand what is this crossroad really communicating to you, how do you make a choice when you are there, and what do you do when you get looped back in or are able to race ahead! So here we go!

As we go about our lives, each one of us passes through the crossroad- at different developmental stages- when we are studying, as we build and destroy relations and as we succeed and fail in our worldly pursuits of success. Few of us are very blessed, in the sense that whether they rise higher or perish, they have no other option to take a pause at the crossroad and evaluate their next move- say you are born in a politicians family, you are born as a heir to a business empire of few billion dollars- and frankly in those kind of scenarios why should you really care about the signboards on the path of life- I mean who would- because just by the virtue of the context that you have got- you are already way ahead in the race- and if you succeed- no one gives you the personal credit- unless you do something radically different and if you fail- you are still let go- with a minor warp because everyplace knows you can still live the way you want to- whether you do or don’t do anything! So if this the kind of unimportance that the crossroad attracts from these few blessed souls, why does much of humanity struggle when they arrive here? Read on!

For the large majority of humanity, our arrival at the crossroad is as certain and as fatal and final as are the chances of living and dying without anyone knowing we were here on this planet and we did make a difference! The only issue that pops up here is that, most of us are really unprepared when we reach this point, and unless and until you have your personal progress checklist handy and ready- no matter what you do- every time you arrive at a crossroad you will be taking a chance and as the rule is with the game of chances- you have to be very very lucky indeed to get it right the very first time and if you don’t then the never ending looping back to the cross road commences! This never ending loop is what makes our life a wonderful engaging story or a nightmare based on not only what the choices we make, but importantly also how we respond and deal with the choices that we make- how well we are able to stand by, face and tame them- irrespective whether they are working in our favor or conspiring against us! Let me explain…

For the blessed few, who happen to be in the settings where they should be, the crossroads are just an intersection where the light is always green for them, so they just whizz past hardly ever bothered about what is around, for their purpose and goal is etched and they are on the way given the foundation that they have to bank on. When it to come sot the majority of us, like you and I , the crossroads that we come across seem something like these- what field should I study , or perhaps now that I have studied, what should I further specialize in, now that’s done, should I work or be on my own, if work, where, if on my own, how….so on and so forth! Don’t even think that these are normal decisions that you are supposed to take- these are decisions where you are forcing on a choice comparing a few alternative. This is surely not that kind of a pizza question- with cheese or without- this is more with so many pizza’s around me, which one should I go for! The crossroad is not about what you do with a given option, it is about choosing an option from what is around you- based on how and where you have arrived! Think about it! So how can we make the most out of it when we are at a crossroad? Read on!

Like with everything else, your ability to make most of it when you arrive at a crossroad- will depend largely on how prepared are you when you arrive at that point! Consider this, you join an organisation at an X level and you have this finite aspiration of one day being at the corner office.You arrive at this day when you are been told that – you are not enough for that office- what do you? You have options- smack that person- ask him to get lost and you seek a new place that gives you that corner office- next week or you listen, assimilate and work around to become eligible for it in some more time, or you just jump out of the window, whining you are finished, or you just hit the bar! How you react will depend on what your readiness, preparations have been as you were working towards your aspiration of being in that corner office. You see, you can dream- that’s the easy part- working upon it- is the difficult part and what’s where shit happens to 95% people! The reason for that is not that you are incompetent- but the the process- you see the goal/the aspiration- of the corner office or being able to win over the person of your dreams is the easy part- the difficult one is work- know- learn and apply yourself to all the non glorious part that goes on to sustain and manage what your aspiration or desire is!

As long as you arrive prepared with the necessary hard work, have few thoughts and plans about what you really want to with your life; each time a question is poised to you, either by the people or the circumstances that you come to face, you will be able to evaluate, decide and move ahead by an empowering choice and that’s when the crossroad will end up being more helpful than you think! A lot of us, would have heard about- “I had a choice, I thought about it….but than I did this, or that happened and than life took a turn…..away….form what….I aspired!. Well these are nothing more or nothing less but the confessions of people who were at the crossroad- perhaps unprepared or perhaps they faced the odds where they had no other choice but to take a detour! This seems bad- don’t think that way- because- may success stories are ever indebted to these forced/unplanned detours- as people than became more cautious, alert and observant as they walked a path that they had not intended to- and that powerful learning on a new path- made a whole new person out of them- which rewarded not only them but as they shared their learning with the worlds- helped us all- you know these people- this is more or less the story of all the great people who have offered to us the world as we see today! Innovators, Scientists, Business disruptors, Statesmen who lead nations(in the real sense of the words), you think about all the magic you see around that goes to make your life easy- it’s already because of the direct or indirect detours that a few souls had to undertake when they were at the crossroads of their life! So when do crossroads really hurt bad?

When people arrive at crossroads, less prepared, take detours and still not learn, coming back to the same crossroad and going on and on in that loop, that’s where the life giving magical crossroads seem to become a nightmare and simply don’t go away even in broad daylight! Why does this happen- well- the person- you see unless you don’t change-your approach doesn’t change- whether the problem is the same or the problem is a new one- you will end up taking the same action owing to your limited thoughts and that will end up bring you back to the same point! So you basically end up travelling a lot in the same place! The only way, if you ask me to over come this vice like grip of the crossroad- is to bring in a new you to the point- by altering your thinking and approach- unless that is done no matter what your choices look like and what your crossroad is- you will just spend away your whole life in this meaningless loop taking everyone who you care about along with you- adding to their confusion and irritation!

Final words, embrace the crossroads and keep an eye out for them, because as long as you are prepared, you have a goal, a destination, an aspiration, no matter how blurred that may be- the crossroad will be the best direction board that you will ever have come across in life and you will remain ever grateful to that- every second of your coming tomorrow! The best part – not all crossroads are lifeless- few of them also assume human forms- they are your teachers- your coaches, your guides, your friends, your allies- who tell you all the time about the options and consequences and help you by being a reflective board that amplifies your thoughts by weeding out the ambiguity and provindg you clarity- that is so vital for you to set out and achieve what you aspire!

I leave you here, for bow, grab that coffee and think about the crossroad you are now at , or you had been and what was that time like and what did you do, was it an informed decision, an enforced detour that helped you or are you in that loop and want to move out of it now! Think about it and stay prepared- you never know, the next crossroad may be arriving soon- to usher in a wonderful tomorrow just for you!

Ciao for now, stay safe and stay wise and yes be prepared- It helps- always!

Listening > Speaking.

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

I actually wanted to write the title urging people to “Listen to shut up” then I felt, perhaps everyone may not like it that way! But hang on, this article is certainly not that cliche,on why you must listen and speak less and all that crap around that Victorian model. I say, scream when you must speak and yell when you must whisper, but the whole point is that, you will not have to do any of this, if and only if you are able to develop your listening and this is absolutely not about only listening to the words! Join me here to explore what is that, we can go on to listen each moment, beyond words and why not paying attention necessitates us to spend so much of energy, time and words to just have the simplest of the things done or how we end up screwing up things because of this! So here we go!

Often, when people are talk about listening- they refer to the spoken word- what they hear- sure enough that is what it is and what it should imply- but what if I told you that you also need to see to listen, yes see- observe and gauge what is not been said through the spoken word but also through the cues of non verbal communication- the tense posture, the relaxed demeanor- whatever the context could be- the point here is that- when we focus only on what is spoken and don’t factor in the totality around the spoken word- we miss the point in a big way! I mean, if you happen to be by any chance a person who has been trained in the areas of security, intelligence etc. you know what I am saying- and yes- it does not have to be that high end as well- even your kindergarten teachers or the psychologists that you perhaps visit- are well equipped to figure out what is actually being communicated by listening into what is not been said alongside what is been said!

Now you may ask, fair deal- so what’s so difficult around this- well, the problem is that we are natural bad listeners, all of us- you and I included- you see the human brain the way we have evolved- is attuned to pick up distress, emergency and crazy moments over stable, steady, happy moments as a default- that’s our survival ticket- so don’t even bother complaining about it! Hence, we have so many experts always offering guidance and teachings around what is now fashionably called- directed/focused listening- well they are basically asking you to pay attention- nothing more and nothing less. The fact remains that, you pay attention during that training, because either you or your office has paid for that session and post that it’s again back to default settings in no time!

So why do we always slip back to default settings of only listening to emergency/urgency and just wander around our imaginary world as people keep on speaking, blabbering- well there are two parts to this- one- believe it or not- over 90% of what is spoken is pure garbage- you see what the neighbor’s cat did, how that dog bit the delivery guy, who eloped with whom, which President is dumber than who else, who wore which dress, who tripped, who fell, who won the lottery- now all of this rhetoric, the moment it begins- your brains is smarter than you think- it just asks one simple question- is any of this shit- a cause of concern for me- am I under threat- do I need to take any action- if the answers are no- than your brain allows that to play on like some gibberish background noise and hence when you are often asked in the middle- what did I say- you are actually trying to save your self!

The second important part is the fact that your brain is so smart than you can think that it uses sight/ your eyes to make out what the body language of the person is- is there a state of urgency, is that all to what is been said- is there anything that needs to be sought further- only when that space raises a concern of a veiled threat because something is been hidden, that you will get a signal, be prompted to ask more questions and that engagement of focused listening and an engaged conversation will continue until the brain looses its interest either it has got all what it needs or has concluded that this all too was a waste of time! So what about the listening part and why does Listening end up being greater than speaking?

When we practise what I call as directed/ focused listening , we end up helping our brain in multiple ways- see you are not going to cut the other person off, as the person is speaking- so you save time off your brain to rearrange those words, that logical flow and everything that will help you to throw your point of view even before the other one has completed theirs! So as a deliberate effort, once you stop cutting people- you get to hear their complete point of view, more than half of the times (unless you are the odd one- being the right person in the wrong place or the wrong person in the right place) if you listen, to the other person completely, you will be left with only few limited options- one could be asking that person to get lost as what was said has nothing to do with you, or now that you have heard the person and now you will act or take some action or you will seek more information/ more clarity and propose next steps. So in effect, you have hardly had to talk! You just saved yourself from wasting so much of energy that could have gone in- had you not listened with intent and focus- no more long meetings, no more reviews, no more, long emails, no more conference calls, all done with a few sessions of directed listening and being in the now when it matters the most! See when you really listen, you also learn and when you learn you can act, when you act- the task is done! Remember your school days, why do you think you have all that stuff packed in your brain- well back then you listened because you knew that only if you listened, you will understand and only if you have that crucial understanding , will you be able to apply and only when you apply what you have learnt, will you be able to sustain your success and live a life that you cherish and plan for! So this is why listening is always more potent and greater than speaking! Now, you may want to ask, me, whatever happened to that listening to what has not been spoken? Sure, read on…

Even as your would have factored that directed and applied listening is so effective, the fact remains, that is easier said than done! See our brain is constantly scanning our environments, with only one agenda to keep us safe- safe as in not that anyone is coming to take you out- just to ensure that the setting that you have chosen- is not being breached. Let me explain- say you are having an exit interview of a colleague- known or unknown to you- the brains of the person with whom you are speaking and your brain will be by default scanning for visible presence of either your manager or the manager of the person who is leaving- because both of them would be curious to know what is been said! The more toxic and dramatic the place- the higher will be the alertness of your brain and just as for this instance- every second you spend in your office, speaking with friends, family in a group setting, your brain is constantly working around the possible threats that may come your way- when you cracked a joke- who laughed and who shrugged- you see not everyone is going to be vocal enough- like I normally am- to walk into your face and say- boss- you’ve had enough of your shit, now move on or stay quiet! As people develop body language cues to express their emotions when words get drowned, your brain switches its scanner on and picks up these and that’s how communication is floating and is nudged around in a group setting! It is in settings like these, training classes, meetings – whether you are discussing critical details about something important with an individual or you are discussing something with many- your brain’s ability to scan the unspoken word- will help you know exactly what you need to speak next, with whim and possibly also when!

If you ever want to make a difference to your life or the lives of others, by your work, art, influence, the first step that you must embrace is to develop an unlimited amount to patience to listen- it’s only when you allow people to connect, express and feel safe that you will be able to understand them completely and only when that happens will they pay heed to what your spoken word is- for the simple reason that- they now know that you know them well enough to guide, counsel or advise them as the case may be! Only once you have arrived at a level of desirable competence of being able to practise directed and active listening, will you be able to deploy your abilities to train your mind to pick up the non-verbal cues with increasing finesse and accuracy! What all of this eventually will do is – the person speaking to you will have to use even fewer words than earlier and you too will possibly have nothing to say- just perhaps act based on what was told to you, because you would have also learnt to listen to, what was not said and your action is the spoken word that the other person actually waits to listen into!

I will leave you here, with these thoughts for now and yes, listen,listen and listen so that you you to speak less and when you do- you will be sure it matters!

Ciao for now, will be back soon with another one! Stay safe and stay wise! Nothing more to say for now, hope you listened to yourself as you read this!

Buried by memories.

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

Hello there! Does your present life look like a burial ground of your memories every time you speak or do something? Well whether it is or it isn’t this article is just for you! As we age, no matter how fine tuned your brains is, it will start to play these magic tricks which take you along a guided tour of your memories- whether you want it or not and whether these memories are sweet or not! Join me here to understand how this impacts us and what is there that we can do about this, if there’s really anything that we can do and how can we use our memories to create an empowering present rather than be knocked down by them!

Each one of us has our own unique superpower and in the case of a few, that superpower happens to be the astonishing feats that their brain can achieve by replaying incidents and images from the past- with vivid details bordering on being outright spooky in a few cases! Any psychologist or a psychiatrist will be more qualified than me to share with you how memory helps and harms and what role it plays in constructing the person who we become- both in reality and in perception, but this piece is slightly of a different take on the same subject, it is about how even in day to day conversations and approach that we take- we relentlessly keep on going back to this memory bank (many times for no real reason) and that in fact ends up going more damage to us- especially when it doesn’t serve any purpose on our today or the fact approaching tomorrow! Let me explain!

What does your normal day look like? how many times during your day do you end up conversations referring to, “it was good then”, “this is what was done then”. “this is how it should, because that’s how I had seen it or done it”, “that vacation was great”, “that person is an idiot”, “those people are awesome”, “that family, that colleague, that friend, that cousin and so on and so forth”! You see, through the day at least once you will end up touching one of these chords- well there’s nothing wrong and right about it as long as it starts to interfere into what you are doing today! Sure enough if you are relying on your experience or learning to accomplish something, that still makes sense because here you are tapping into your memory cells to empower your today, the problems start to manifest, when you pluck the chords that don’t serve your present and neither seem to serve your future any time soon!

Sure enough, you would have had a great vacation, sure enough you would have had great colleagues and friends in life- but the only valid and golden questions is – how is any of that empowering your today? or how does any of it hold a promise to empower your future? If you have an answer- that they do- than hold on to those memories like your life depended on them- because these are not only your memories but, the tools that have the power and influence to shape your today and tomorrow. Everything else that you have stored in your brain and what you are able to recall- is pure waste of energy! Trust me, given the size that your brain is and the amount of tasks that it needs to get done- to just ensure you stay safe in a dumb world that we are living about it, it will only help the brain if you make a choice to weed out all that unwanted clutter from your memory bank and allow your brain to be that bit free to ensure it doesn’t get exhausted thinking about matters that really don’t matter!

Like with all else, the quality of memories that are recalled and that are stuck with you, go on to define the quality of your today and the arriving tomorrow! As long as you have un-serving, self-centric memories from your past (which perhaps stir up cautious to self-doubting tendencies) you will find those memories which border on being nightmares impact and dictate your ability to embrace the world as it really is- simply because your ability to perceive the world accurately gets fogged out by the overbearing presence of these nightmarish memories of the past! How many times have you said, “People from”xyz” are “abc” because you had a bad experience some time back?”, How many times you have made generalized, sweeping statements about people, religion, culture, vocation, orientation and what not- without really being bothered to know what the reality really is- just because your one experience made you feel that way!

Similarly, when you have empowering memories that added value to your in the past and show the promise to do the same in your today- those memory tires than constitute to add that vital touch of magic to further your shine in the world that you live in your today! Consider this, if you remember how you made a great mock-tail when you were in college and when you are able to spin the same magic at your daughter’s wedding reception- how does it feel for you and everyone- WOW right! That’s what meaningful memories are all about! This is how the magic of memories should be put to use, by not allowing them to bury you into your past but by rather allowing you to stay liberated in your present and by keeping you hopeful about your future!

As long as your memories are harnessed with the thought that they serve some purpose in your present or in the future, it’s best to have them buried away lest they come back to bury you in the present that you exist! Many problems manifest from this space of harnessing misplaced memories and these haunting memories in no time turn into nightmares and eventually begin to consume all the islands of calm that you may have within you and around you, because frankly no one really cares what happened in you past- you see even your boss doesn’t care of you were the beast employer last year or five years ago, if you are screwing up now and making it embarrassing for your boss “in the now”- that’s a good enough reason to fire you and get some peaceful sleep!

Perhaps the biggest mistake that people end up doing with their memories is that- they think others will be as excited as they themselves are and nothing could ever be farther from the truth! You see human memories are completely intimate and virtually second skin! They are only and only meant for consumption by the beholder of those memories. Thankfully, the way our brains are physiologically structured- it is often very difficult to narrate a memory without help of an external visual cue- consider this, say you want to describe that splendid Florida beach to your friend who has never been there- you can go on and on and even sing a song or write a poem- the other person is just going to end up thinking what an idiot you have been- it is only when you are able to share a snap or a video form that locale – will that person be able to relate, like, dislike, share a thought or an opinion and that if the person has a liking for the beach!- If the other person is a mountain or a plains lover- well you are toast and you can say bye bye to whatever fragile bond that you hold! This is what the magic of memories really is! They belong to the beholder and are for the beholder of the memories and do not call for participation of anyone else- unless they have been co-created by people with a singular thought for a purpose!

As one taps into their memories, sieves through them in the context of what empowers them and what harms them, it empowers an individual’s present once they are able to tap into the meaningful memories. This also helps to develop a sustainable charisma that goes a long way to help them navigate their world and better equips them to face their tomorrow!

I leave you here, for now, urging you to do a deep cleaning of your memory bank, weed out all that doesn’t serve you anymore, arrange what does and apply what helps so that you can empower your today on the foundation of your memories and not ever get worried about getting buried under their overbearing past from the past!

Ciao for now, will be back soon with another one, until then stay wise and stay safe!

Redefine failure to succeed.

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

You failed at something? Great! Failed at it again? Awesome! Still at it and going to try one more time? Splendid! Well, if you think, I am out of my mind, this is what the life of a crazy innovator, scientist or explorer looks like and if you ever wondered from where does humanity get it’s answers to complex and new challenges that keep popping up- it is this space of learning from failures by redefining as them as they happen! Join me here as we explore what failure really is, why it is good and why failure alone can prepare you for success and when it does that- why that success almost always is enduring and self-sustaining!

The next time you get a chance to visit a library, I urge you to go to a section that tells you stories between the 1800’s and until 1970’s! That is the period where all the magic that we see around today happened- sure enough we did not have the computers than in the way we have, neither did we have the internet nor the so-called smart phones- but what was built during that period in the history of mankind across the continents- remains to be the foundation that has made everything else to stand up eventually! This is also the period that was marked by intense and successive failures, one after the other, day in and day out only to eventually allow someone to keep working on the earlier omissions to come up with the required adjustments to get the answers that were been sought and thereby touch success and create something that would open up a new world altogether! If you ever wondered why few nations are more technologically advanced than some others, the reason again lies in the study of those 170 odd years, the nations which have struggled, failed, got beaten, broken and have risen up are the ones’ who today lead the world and that is perhaps the biggest visible lesson in front of us to understand that Failure does not and it never has limited or stalled success, rather it is the one that has forced humanity out of their comfort zone to search further, look beyond and reach for something new, establish the new normal’s of life almost every 20 years- all of this- we owe to the the bygone failures- its is on those foundations that we have got all of our today built! So why is failure so intense? Why does it get so deep inside and sting so bad? Why do we shy away now, from failure if it is what it is- a motivator in disguise? Well, read on!

The human brain is perhaps the most awesome machine that we have ever come across, even after thousands of years of evolution, every other moment it tends to keep throwing up surprises and we are all but compelled to say, “Well I didn’t know this about you!” Through our evolution, our brains have had to be hard wired for tough conditions, before we established permanent settlements and cradles of civilization. In those formative stages of humanity, failure was equal to death. you see, you went ton hunt a wild boar, the chances would be if you missed the boar, you would be back with some serious injuries (with no remedy at that time) spelling slow and sure death! Likewise if you were a farmer, watching out for pests, and keeping a check meant ensuring food to survive and failure on that bit meant seriously bad news! So this from where the story of why “failure is fatal” became so hard coded and even as humanity started to thrive and prosper the new age sins of gluttony, greed and all their cousins, embedded a sick idea into some person’s mind, “If I don’t do “XYZ” , I fail and If I fail, I am finished”, well sure enough that kind of statement makes sense as long as you are one of those troopers, law enforcement agents, critical member of the society, saving lives and keeping community safe, you don’t hear about a bank teller shooting themselves in their foot , because they misplaced the 50 cent coin right! This is the reason why that wrong notion of “failure is bad” , “failure is the end” and “failure is fatal” got stuck like an unwanted excess postage stamp on the dashboards of our mind and every time we go out to do something, we end up unnecessarily putting ourselves into more scrutiny than what is required, sure enough there are some vocations where one must never throw caution to the wind- you, see you always want your co-pilot doing the checks even as you command the plane, but that’s about it, what you need to know to begin with is that, if there is something really that important, it will come in with its own set of checks and balances either in human form or through the interface of technology that we use and if that doesn’t happen, there are only two inferences, wither what you do- is not important or you have just set yourself up for the greatest learning of your life through failure- for failure is always a step closer to you than success! So what next, how do we know when to keep going and when to stop and choose a different path? Sure enough you don’t want someone to be martyred at the alter of failure pursuing success- it was fashionable back then in the olden times, now a days that’s called being stupid!

The best part is that, like with everything else, failure starts and ends with you- your thinking and your approach, change any of these one variables and you will either alter the type of failure experience or you will hit the jack pot and touch success right away! Let me explain! If you study the life of inventors, scientists and innovators, the singular aspect that you will come across is that they relied on some founding principles of science and observation and persisted until they perfected what should manifest as an outcome to support what science told them in theory! They changed processes, steps, catalysts, ingredients, conditions of the experiment and everything that could have, except the pursuit of the finality of the experiment. Sure enough many scientists ended up inventing, discovering something else alongside what they were pursuing , that became a double cherry in many a case! When it comes to other creative facets likes, arts, literature, visual arts, etc, we all know how many times a writer would have trashed away a copy, a few pages at times the whole book! So what is getting played here? You would heard about why a painter just tore down a brilliant piece- this is the space wherein the finality doesn’t come to live with the imagery that the creator has in mind! This perhaps is the finest point of human exuberance and excellence in terms of pursuing an abstract value to be called successful! I mean a painter could be just fine, leaving the painting the way it is, the art connoisseur would have interpreted the way they would have wanted to and given the dollars and moved on, but that is exactly how it doesn’t work and that’s what separates the masters from the ordinary mortals and the only thing that these masters do differently with their failures is that they use it as their springboard to propel themselves even higher and farther to work on the next idea- as they use the current failure to touch the eluding success that they pursue! By now you must be wondering, if this is all about failures than why do we not fail that often now a days and why aren’t we able to realise the success as we aspire for? Read on!

The fact of life is that the modern corporate circus is all about risk avoidance, sure enough you want some critical aspects of business to work like that, makes sense- but this has all got to do with technological aspects! The human approach and attitude necessarily needs to be the one that embraces failure, if one wants to taste real success! You see most of our corporate work methods are more based on cherishing success and demeaning and looking down upon failure, so the human mind- being what it is, does what it should- mimic- yes- mimic- because it has seen “X” doing “ABC” to get that result which has the reward attached, so it will just do that so it too can get a chance to get rewarded- sounds familiar- yes, “corporate sales training” is a close resemblance for this! Then why aren’t everyone successful equally- why few fly and others fall, well that is simply because the ones’ who fail, learn, improvise and re-apply their learning- fly, the ones’ who face the wall and are only hanging by the structured corporate gospel, will fall every time they are faced with a negating experience unless they too learn to embrace failure as the first step to reach success!

As organisations become more and more risk averse and want to stay within an allowable band of human ingenuity and creativity- failures are far and few in between and so are the chances to improvise, re-learn and re-apply virgin human thought and that’s why we end up creating newness within what is there- but rarely coming up with something completely new as the earlier pioneers and inventors could! Sure enough, we have a few exceptional minds even now who world on complex problems and are able to come up with something that is path breaking- but again these are those geniuses- who have known to value failure and have always thrived on risking to venture into areas where normally no one would want to- you see, magic and success happens beyond failure and in a zone which is far uncomfortable and alien- a space within the human mind where dreams come alive and ideas take birth through some awesome persistence and application of wisdom!

My final take, seriously, do a retake on the whole concept of failing and failure. Do yourself a favour- just redefine your failure and from there allow the foundation of your success to be built! You will be simply amazed at the new areas that light up, the new pathways that open up and how you begin to see the same age old problems and challenges in a newer and brighter perspective- certainly I am not saying, you will have all the answers to your perplexing problems, but what you will be now armed with will be the right questions that you must ask yourself so that those right questions, bring to you the right answer which align you to the path of your success by digging deep into the learning’s from your failures! If you ever wondered why great things take time, this is one of them, great things and people both take time, for they are required to be forged by the forces of time, people and above all failures that they must experience to bring out the best of what lies hidden within them to serve the greater good of humanity around them even as they go about their lives being ordinary mortals doing some extraordinary service to humanity!

I leave you here, with these thoughts, urging you to embrace your failures and reach your success by building upon the foundation of your learnings through your failures!

Ciao for now, stay wise and stay safe! Will be back soon with another one!

Don’t stress(for nothing!).

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

This is not a pep talk article, about trying to give you ten tips to wish away your stress, rather this is about trying to simplify what stress really is, rather than what is ts thought to be and possibly explore what can we do about it, if we can really do something about it! So join me here and let’s simplify the formless shadow of stress!

Have you ever had the privilege of being part of a group of kids discussing their challenges? yes kids- those 3-4-5-6 year old who discuss amongst themselves and figure their way around either by themselves or with help from their buddies! Have you ever seen them talk to each other using words like “stress”? Consider this, you have this bunch of kids who are given a new jig-saw puzzle to fix, with no context and no background- what happens- well kids being kids- they will try for sometime, eventually as it makes no sense and if there’s no reward for what they are doing, they will simply put those jig-saw blocks to some other creative use and that’s where that will end! None of those kids are going to bed sulking and thinking about what that was, why it could not be done and so on and so forth! But these very kids, as they start to grow, they come under the influence of directed thinking (you see directed thinking is not about helping them think- it is about making kids thinking in a particular way that suits the broader social fabric of a society) and this is where the problems begin to manifest!

Humanity has always been lead and rewarded by curiosity and that innate value gets wiped off as modern day societies start to enforce directed thinking principles which conform to social biases and standards and don’t allow any kind of eccentric attributes, sure enough the ones’ that pose a threat to the social fabric should be curbed and managed, but with that approach we also end up loosing all hope of developing geniuses around us!– If you ever thought that great geniuses of any field were not eccentric- well it’s time you picked up and read one of those biographies to know the facts! The essence there was that their curiosity and eccentricity to a specific pursuit was always upheld and encouraged and that what led to innovation and discovery, which has gone a long way to share who we are today- as Individuals and collectively as societies the world over!

Once kids are programmed to think the way society wants, these kids loose all resilience that childhood would have naturally given to them. As they grow up they keep getting pushed from one scenarios of “what you must do and not” to the next and that shit also continues even as they begin to work and keep moving up the corporate world as they keep getting successful! You may be wondering how come they keep getting successful if they lack curiosity and ingenuity- well you see 95% of corporate world is all about directed work- the Big Boss shares the big plan and we have an army of all other smaller bosses and laborers working on that- while each one of them thinking that it is their thought!- If there was ever a personification of a hypnotized work force- that is the era that we are living in! This is why , when you see how things get played around, they rise and fall every time “The Big Boss” gets it right or screws up! So where is the stress coming in all of this?

Well the invisible stress is always there, as the born intelligent kids get to high schools and colleges, where they are again and again battered down to stop being creative and think the way they are ought to and furthermore as they land “The job” of their dreams they are further indoctrinated through the fabled ” corporate induction” which is nothing more than a kinder way of saying, “This is what we do, This is the way we do it, Either take it or leave it”! So, when does this stress begin to show up? Well it shows up every now and then when life throws questions in your face, where you don’t have templated responses- like the times when you are asked to go ahead with your first surgery , or that first assault if you are a cop, or that first fire rescue, the first time you asked someone out for date! See, stress starts to build and this stress is not building because you aren’t able or you are incompetent, but this stress builds up because for the first time you are in direct conflict between the way you have been hammered down to think and how you naturally think and feel about the reality that is staring right down back to you! In that moment of truth- you are evaluating your choices of being safe, alive and making it back in one piece with a result that works in your favour or in the favour of greater good! Since this is something that no business school or practise teaches- stress creeps in and this is how it starts to play havoc with you, each time from your first time! Whenever you come to the cross road where you don’t have a templated solution- you will start to feel that stress race up to you- not because you are dumb or can’t handle a situation developing in front- but the years of “programmed thinking” has been made your default thinking style to seek answers from around and not within and unless you don’t switch back your default to within- like you always did when you were a kid- stress is going to get the better of you- it doesn’t matter whether you make a few hundred dollars or a few millions dollars, unless you don’t begin to think and feel from within and learn to junk away programmed and directed thinking escaping stress is going to remain a very tough thing to do! So how doe we go about it?

Stress is not the absence of competence, rather it is the presence of it and importantly the inability to be able to deploy it- in the contextual settings that an individual finds themselves in! Each one of us are magicians in or own way- we are gifted at something to ensure that a task assigned to us, gets done the natural way which comes to us easily- unfortunately that is not how the real world works- from the call centre to the White House press briefing everything is scripted- some for the right reason and few others for the most stupid reasons! Consider this, how simple it would be to empower people to greet and speak to customers who call in the natural way which allows people to spread their personality and warmth as they speak- rather make them narrate the script written- the way it has been- even as the callers and the narrator have no clue what that is and than you have the timer to mark you off that call, simply because you were too slow or fast- I mean who really works that way! It is instances like this and many more- that go on to add stress to the people at all ends of that kind of a scripted approach- which does nothing more than taking away form our true strengths and puts us in a territory where we are completely disadvantaged and we are supposed to switch our thinking to a lower level of “do this and than that and do it this way” kind of a lever!

Given, this is a blog, will share a few final words before we wrap this piece up, stress is not about your competence, abilities and who you are, stress is nothing more or less than your inability to cope with the ways of directed thinking- the more creative you are as person- the chances are that you will always tend to experience higher levels of stress no matter what vocation you choose to pursue! Some areas of work do have in built stress associated with the kind of work- but people are trained about that- again not through directed thinking but rather by providing clarity and support to do away with that space- I am sure you don’t want to be in an ER where the Doctor is sweating more than you and wondering what to do next! The unwanted stress that gets added up to you, only robs you away of whatever creativity, ingenuity and intrinsic genius that you have and tries to align you to be normal as defined by the compulsions of your work place or society!

The only way and the real way to deal with stress, as I see it, is to be connected within and lead yourself as you always did when you were a kid- through curiosity, persistence and intellect- as long as you continue to do this, you will be able to sieve through everything around you with amazing clarity and immediately know when its time to act, which way and when it’s time to exit a place- simply because it threatens to steal the gifts within you and try to make your extraordinary story an ordinary one!

Well, think about it and trust me, don’t get stressed for nothing! You see when you have a situation, the realities are only two- Either you can do something about it or you can’t- this irrespective of whether they impact you or not. So when you can make a change- Lead yourself and get that done by being who you are- there is no social template for that! and when you can’t do anything, use all your gifts to ensure that you are able to stand the storm and emerge on the other side with as little as collateral damage as possible! Stress really makes no sense and has no place- junk directed thinking, social biases, read through the agendas and keep yourself intact and stress free!

Ciao for now, will be back soon with another one! Until then relax and be yourself! Always!

Conflict of Values.

~ PA ~ Leave a comment

The title is what we were, are and will ever and always be! Three words but humanity is encapsulated into this frame, try it the way you want to! Join me for a short piece as we try to explore and understand what is this conflict of values all about and why does it play a vital role that it does!

Ever since we are able to make sense and through our formative years, we are always told about values, beliefs and way of life which is supposed to be “the way” and perhaps in a few extreme cases , “the only way” to live and go about our lives! Well so far so good, as long as you see this concept in isolation, one person’s truth remains to be with that person in the confines that the person is going about their lives! The fun really starts as people begin to cross your path and if you are blessed even with an average working brain- you are all set for the proverbial, “conflict of values” and this is where people are formed and destroyed, rise up or are buried into the oblivion, because when it comes to the conflict of values, it is never about whose value is better over the other, rather it is about how well is an individual’s value able to stand the test of time and competing values to keep your persona steady and on the chosen path that you have set out to tread upon! Let me explain this space for you!

You see, as individuals, we are indoctrinated with the values that are handed over to us from our family or the immediate impacting surroundings that may be surrounding us, as we make progress and begin to meet others, we become more and more familiar with what the other person’s values are, we do, what I call is a “value trade off”- remember the school days- something like those play dates, sharing of cup cakes kind of thing- ya, real cute bits like that- we basically start to gravitate to values which make our life easy- easy to manage, progress and maneuver and that’s how it is with each one of us- trust me there is nothing wrong and right about this bit. By now, you may want to ask, if we are all a mixture of traded values in terms of personality- why do we then end up being so different from each other- so much of individuality? Well, the answer is that depends on how you apply the values to what you do as you go about your life! You see values are like the proverbial double edged sword- it can cut the veggies for you and it can cut you as food for someone else! So our individualistic discerning mind, applied to the values that we hold in a context that we god about living our lives, is what we are- as a sum total of all of these variables! Each time either the value, the mind or the contextual settings are altered – you will no longer tend to remain who you are and you will experience a personality shift and that is how we come to the next bit of Value types!

If you ask me, knowing that I really like to keep things simple, I see Values only of two types- Negotiable and Non-Negotiable. Primarily negotiable values are those where you are ready to cross that line of social behaviour or approach to ensure something gets done- without inviting collateral damage or harm and whatever that is is manageable. Non-Negotiable Values are basically your personification- you in Action- and these are something that you are not ready under any amount of pressure to give up – even if that were to cause danger to your very existence! Consider this, say you imbibe the value of liberty and security of your nation- would you be ready to die, if asked to? Well, if that’s your non-negotiable value- you would certainly go all the way to be remembered as a fallen hero than rather live like a hopeless and coward member of an enslaved society. Consider another example, you believe that you will not pay bribes if found violating traffic signals and just as you had it, you are racing for that all important meeting and now, you have a choice, either follow the rule, leave your vehicle, miss that million dollar deal meeting, perhaps loose your job and walk your way home, or slide in that dollar, apologize a hundred times (be honest about that!) and get to that meeting and as you end your day, thank the Lord for being kind, you cracked the deal, made your money, still have your job and have your vehicle! You perhaps still feel guilty about paying that bribe- but than you see the entire context around it and settle down promising yourself never to anything like that ever again! So what do you think you would have done- something similar right? Well, sure enough- see as humans we are hardwired to ensure that we survive and in the modern day context our survival is no longer the wild animals and mad race to tame the world- it is about ensuring that we are able to sustain and progress the lifestyle that we have chosen or aspire to have and for doing that we utilize our value system as an internal gyroscope. Every time our values are challenged or end up in a conflict with another person’s (as it will normally be that way- unless you are that crazy scientist or that gifted surgeon- working away individually) we have life changing events and manifestations coming to the fore and these either form us or break us either-ways redefining who we are!

A lot of politics, conflicts and corporate bitching that goes on in this world , is nothing but the cloaked presence of these conflicting values! You see you have a manager that you report into who believes to that Tea is better than Coffee and hence all Tea drinkers are better than Coffee and you just mentioned to him the other day – how much you love your Coffee and how you are ready to even kill someone for that! (well this is just an example!). So, what you have now done is opened up a Pandora’s box to compete and pit values against each other and this is where the funnier part begins to get dangerous! Offices are replete with examples how, conflicts ensues from reasons ranging from email drafting, to picking up the phone in three rings , to wearing the ID in a particular manner and so on and so forth- these are all nothing more but manifestation of Value Conflicts- where the one who can impose their values on to other s always seems to be getting the upper hand! Well there is nothing wrong and right about this, as I said earlier, many organisations have this whole space around storming, norming an forming to being in congruence and alignment among people of a team. That works well only and only if there is enough space allowed for individual non-negotiable values to co-exist alongside non-negotiable values of the team or the organisation as the case may be! Let me explain!

Consider you run a design studio and have a bunch of design geeks with you, as crazy as they would be- not to forget each strong and rooted in their own individual design philosophy- so now if this organisation has to make any progress even for an inch ahead- it has always to remember to value the intrinsic value systems that these strong individuals hold and always work to ensure that these individual values align , co-exist and are applied to meet the organisational value systems that it may have etched itself with as far as design sensibilities and approach to design goes! As long as this is done and every individual gets that freedom around , there will be magic coming through their work, on the contrary if that individual value st system is stiffed and people are made to work to corporate templates and design manuals- in not time- whether you work for a burger company or an automobile company everything will begin to look the same! So should conflict of values be avoided? Certainly not!

In fact conflict of values is something that should be embraced and encouraged (but not intentionally planted or created for the heck of it). As we grow, not all values that we hold remain dear to us with the same intensity! You may have negotiable ones’ becoming non-negotiable, few may fade away, new ones’ would come in, that is what is reflected the way we mature and grow and how much of maturity, sanity and wisdom we bring to life is nothing but the aggregation of the values that we hold within us in that movement of time! We are constantly forming, day in, day out at times consciously and yet at other times unconsciously, we are receiving and giving away our feelers to the universe and everyone around us that’s how we begin to like whom we hate, dislike whom we adored and so on and so forth, that dynamism is the essence of human progress and growth! As long as you are able to create competition among values that individuals bring with them in a manner that helps these values compete and align to a greater cause and eventually either become something else which benefits all, everything is fine and helpful! However when these very values embark upon dangerous ego rides and get hitched on the wrong shoulders, disasters happen and that is when you have organisations folding up, nations going to war and society getting ripped apart! So what’s the final word? Here you go!

All of us, You, and I included are nothing but an act of our values within- how we present ourselves to the world personifies what we have within and who we are, sure enough not everyone will be able to see as we want them to look at us and that is a different challenge of perception (will talk about that some other time!). More importantly we are constantly changing as far as peripheral values are concerned- core perhaps will not change (unless you have really survived something nasty!) and that dynamism of values is vital to keep your presence as vibrant as it should be so that relevance and acceptance go hand in hand wherever you choose to project yourself! When your values get into conflict, You will always be the winner irrespective if your values stay, get altered or you acquire news ones’ for the older ones’ you had , as long as your mind is aligned to utilize those values for the causes that serve the greater good! You see copper sulfate is a great insecticide but if you forget to wash your fruits coated with it, you will end up having home runs to the washroom for a day at least!

Values are absolute, no two values are ever equal, because no two people holding them are ever the same! Once you have known this secret, you have aligned your life for the greater good, with a soul that yearns to embrace the conflict of values to form and forge you ever more, one moment unto the next so that you continue to be who you are, adding up what serves you and doing away with all that threatens to harm you or weigh you down!

I will leave you here with these thoughts, urging you to get in touch with the values that you hold within- which are negotiable, which aren’t, how do they make you- who you are in the now that you exist and how you plan to embrace the conflict of values as your venture out to meet new people, friends sand colleagues to make the world a shade better than what it was yesterday!

Ciao for now, will be back soon with another one! Until than stay safe, Stay wise and stay authentic!

Leadership matters’.

~ PA ~ 1 Comment

No there is no mistake in the title, the topic is about matters related to or about leadership. Sure enough this is a blog, so staying within the limitations of the same, join me as we explore the fundamental facets about matters of leadership. No matter which way you look at it, there are always three basic requirements that, anything to do with leadership has to qualify, first there has to be the audience- these can be either the followers or the leaders in the making, next there has to be a contextual setting- a social space available withing the settings of a given society to allow leadership to breathe and live and finally we need to have the leader, you may be wondering, shouldn’t the sequence be the other way around- like, Leaders first then the society and than the audience- well it never is that way and that’s where many people go wrong in understanding what the essence of true leadership is all about, by the time we finish this piece, possibly I would have made my point clear! So let’s explore!

The Audience- The audience is a critical segment to leadership. Eventually leaders arise from the audience (most of the times) unless they are handpicked and forced upon the masses to accept! Whether the audience has the ability to develop followership or has the latent ability to cultivate and create more leaders in the times ahead- depends on who the current leader is and if the current leader has come from the very same audience, then how interlinked and impactful is the association between the leader and the audience. The settings could be anything, it could be a political outfit, a group working towards a cause or it could also be your typical office settings- end of the day- this dynamic equilibrium and the relationship between the audience and the current leader goes a long way to shape the collective future of all those who are a part of this connect.

The Contextual settings- the social fabric. This perhaps is the most important part among the the three elements that go on to make the whole ecosystem driven by leadership to work. Society in general and the contextual settings is nothing more or less than the aggregated truths of individuals in the society (not the average) , it is the truth that holds it‘s ground for every member and when multiple people have multiple truths- you end up getting a net truth that holds good across the board- you may want to ask why not call it average- because average implies that it’s the sum total factored against the number, but this is not the sum total of contextual truths, these are the contextual truths and the only thing that can be perhaps aggregated in the sense of aggregation is the vector of the direction in which these collective truths wish to move! Forward or regress and that choice is empowered by the address who often arises form the same contractual setting and when the leaders is placed from outside into a preexisting dynamic ecosystem, the leader has almost always very limited time to understand and apply what truth and prudence the leader has been able to comprehend and as long as this comprehension aligns with the society, the leader is accepted and accommodated, if the views seem to be foreign, in not time the leader will be ejected! Such is the power of the aggregate truths of a society and the collective truths that a society sees. These aspects go on to impact the aspirational value and direction that the society looks to take ahead and this is where the next bit- The Leadership and its attributes come into play!

Leaders and Leadership- They are the final, though not as important as the other pieces to the trinity of leadership, let me explain. Say you have a person gifted and checked on all personal, intellectual attributes of leadership and seems to the greatest personification of communication finesse, oratory, ideation and vibrance. Well all of that will go to waste if there is no audience and there is no contextual settings in the parlance of a social motive around those attributes! You see, leadership doesn’t and simply can’t operate in vacuum! Leaders and Leadership need and thrive of developing that vital connect with their audiences in the contextual settings that prevail, so that either the leader or the members of the audience are able to influence, impact and create some new value propositions to their present existence so that a path to collective progress and direction opens up! This is where the real essence of leadership lies- about creating, sustaining and developing vital connect with the audience and leveraging that to the aspired progress of the society.

Sure enough, how the audience responds to a leader is a very dynamic process and that equilibrium decides the pace at which the society advances or regresses. When leaders create more followers than more leaders, the society is always taking two steps forward and one step backward- simply because the whole pivot if that societies tomorrow hinges on a single person and should there be some not so welcome development with that individual, the whole social fabric comes falling apart like a pack of cards! Knowing this fundamental fact (alongside the other technical ones) you will find large organisations and corporations and people who matter ], always have a succession plan by them- that plan is precisely meant to uphold societies should there be a glitch in the leadership delivery and as that manifests you have the next able people stepping in and ensuring that the continuity, direction and momentum of the social progress is maintained even against strong odds! This magic also happens beyond the corporate walls and when that manifests, you are really witnessing leadership that is in action to create more leaders and add value, progress and clarity of direction and purpose as a given on an ongoing basis!

You may want to ask, if this is what it is, than why does it get complicated? Well, this is what the principle is and sure enough this is what the broader aspect of leadership is, but what I have not got in here is the range and depth of human emotions and thought process- these parameters are very potent and have the power and ability to fail even the greatest leaders once the followers or the social ethos begins to feel something else even as their thinking may be aligned! You see, when leaders fail to connect through their hearts and allow only the minds to connect- they set themselves up ultimately for their own downfall. The society then has to ask only one question- are they going down with that leader or rather would they dump that leader and connect and engage with another one- who possibly has the ability to keep the heart first and allow the mind to follow later! This is also the folklore of the corporate world of leadership disasters! Organisations often end up hiring leader to drive and deliver on a task (the mind part) without noticing how that is going to impact the personal connect for a team or among teams (the heart part), the result, either objectives are met and people leave or objectives aren’t met and people leave- what stays common is people will leave if the leader does not share the heart before the minds are sought! So what’s the great plan to ensure leadership thrives, the audience thrives and the contextual settings are also kept safe?

Deceptively simple and effective,Leaders arrive as the time comes. Leaders do not seek permissions, neither do they take approvals, when they see what is unfolding they will act and when they do act, one important thing that they ensure is that they act by remaining transparent and share one strong message- all goes well credit is yours’ and if we hit the wall- It’s me! As leaders emerge with this mindset to take charge and create narratives that help and provide more to the social settings around them- they influence, inspire and soon enough start to lead in the essence of the word “to lead” and as they do, based on what is that they lead (a nation, a social group or an office team) they either create followers or leaders). As long as leaders do all of this by being connected with the audiences through their hearts and minds- communication, language, clarity everything gets aligned and the social fabric gets stronger and more robust and leading too becomes simple and effective, something very similar to leading an attack platoon- there is clarity of objective, communication and purpose.

What is that you should choose to be? A Leader or an Audience? Well actually both, no matter who you are, where you are and what you do or don’t, at any given time in your life you are wearing the hat of a leader for some aspect of your life and for other aspects you are the audience (even as you may want to lead!). A a parent, you are the first leader that your kids have and no matter how badly you want to lead your nation (given the circus you witness everyday), the chances are you may be perhaps nothing more than a disconnected and un-engaged audience- with some feeble engagement only if you are still courageous enough to make your voice heard- knowing nothing will change!

This is all folks, for now on leadership matters’. The truth is each one of us is leader, the depth, width and span of that reflects how much of acceptance and accommodation we have earned as individuals within the people that move around and how much of ear we have to the ground to know what really matters and amplify that so that our audiences are able to look upto us and create more leaders than followers, because the true essence of leadership is creating more leaders! Always!

I leave you here for now, take some time to reflect on what kind of a leader you have been, what kind of an audience you have been and perhaps its also time to know if the contextual settings are still what they weer or whether its time to change all or few of these variables to ensure your journey as an empowered individuals is racing ahead in the directions that you have always aspired for!

Ciao for now, will be back soon with another thought initiator! Until than lead- if not anything or anyone- start by leading yourself!